


They were Violets

by baguantte



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Baking, Dumbasses, F/M, Flowers, Fluff, Fukurodani - Freeform, Gay, Haikyuu - Freeform, Hanahaki Disease, Karasuno, Lesbians, Love, M/M, Nekoma, No Beta, Pining, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, W/w, bisexuals, childhood best friends, gays, graphic description of vomiting, m/m - Freeform, maybe minor ennotana later, realization of gay, tsukishima aint feeling too well, tsukishima does not know what gay is, volleyball dorks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-19 07:49:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22607548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baguantte/pseuds/baguantte
Summary: By all definitions of logic this should be impossible, it is impossible. And yet there it was, a tiny, frighteningly blue flower had seated itself perfectly into Kei’s palm.In which Tsukishima winds up with Hanahaki disease and has no idea who he could be in love with.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Tsukishima Akiteru/Udai Tenma, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 25
Kudos: 182





	1. Chapter 1: Lilacs

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder that this is a Hanahaki disease AU which means there will be a lot of descriptions of trouble breathing, feelings of vomiting and coughing, and vomiting flowers. So if you are squeamish in that department this fanfic is probably not for you.

Gross.

Clinging onto the porcelain was so, so gross.

Having such powerful muscles forcing things out of his mouth was so gross.

It was all very gross.

Very gross and painful.

“Hey bro are you okay in there?”

There was a knock at the door. Was he okay? Short answer was no.

He wasn’t okay in any shape or form. His knuckles were white, his knees ached from supporting his body weight against the tiles of the bathroom floor and his torso was begging him for a break from all the dry heaving and coughing.

He had yet to throw up more than just spit but it still was too much of an overwhelming feeling he hadn’t felt for a while. Kei wasn’t one to be sick often but this experience has caused a wave of unwelcomed and uncomfortable nostalgia to wash over him. 

After a few minutes of just getting his breathing under control he wearily looked up to the doorknob to the door of the bathroom. He studied its smooth texture for an unknown time before trying to respond the same way he always had.

“Yes. I’m fine.”

It was scratcher than normal, raw. It even surprised himself when he heard it but was determined not to make a big deal out of it.

“Kei maybe you should stay home tomorrow.” Akiteru didn’t ask any other questions, he just suggested it right off the bat. Did he really sound that miserable?

“I’m fine.” He insisted.

“Just know me and mom won’t blame you if you decide not to go to school tomorrow.” The sound of footsteps waned with time.

Very soon Kei was alone again, shifting his weight away from the toilet so it wouldn’t be so hard on his knees. 

That's when it happened.

It was such a vibrant blue and fell so graciously in his lap he wasn’t sure if it was real at first. 

A blink.

Two blinks.

It was real, and it was resting on his thigh. Very carefully, he extended his fingers to the object, brushing his fingertips against the surface as if it would crumble under his touch. 

It was a petal. It wasn’t even damp from it sliding out of his mouth. It was just a petal, sitting atop his legs in perfect stillness. Unlike his hands, which were trembling unwillingly at the sight of it.

The bright blue petal was frankly beautiful, so pristine and still glowed as if it was still outside attached to a flower.

Kei didn’t like it.

Cruelly, he crumbled up the elegant petal in his calloused hands and tossed it in the toilet and flushed it, never to be seen again.

At least, that’s what he assumes. 

****

The second time it happened Kei was getting ready for school, despite Akiteru’s warnings to take it easy for a while. Of course he ignored his brother and continued on with his day, eating the home cooked meal his mother made for breakfast, putting on his uniform and brushing his teeth before arriving at the front door to put his street shoes on.

Coughing was normal. Everybody coughs. The feeling wasn’t unknown to him, but after yesterday it made him a bit more uneasy than a regular cough should. 

Letting his body shutter a bit he kept the cough down, for some irrational reason, and stood up, tapping his shoes against the floor to make sure they were securely on. Not that it mattered, he was going to take them off at school anyway.

“Have a good day at school Kei.” Kei said nothing in return as he slung his bag over his shoulders and left the house. 

Absentmindedly, as it was ingrained in his body from years of repeated action, he walked to his best friend Yamaguchi’s house. It always fell in line with his path with School so it was fairly easy and sensible to stop by his house and pick him up so they could walk together. 

Not that he had to, he could be content with just walking by himself and shutting the world out with music, but the habitual routine he fell in with Yamaguchi wasn’t something he was keen on breaking. 

He was around halfway to Yamaguchi’s place when he couldn’t contain it anymore. Coughs simply don’t go away unlike yawns, they stay at the base of the throat waiting for escape. 

Kei took a brief lapse in his walking cycle to stop and sputter, letting out a strangled wheezing and coughing he wasn’t used to hearing. It wasn’t as bad as last night where he had lost strength in his legs and had to take a moment to kneel but it still was very far from a pleasant experience.

Maybe he should’ve worn a mask today.

No, that would cause people to ask him questions, and he didn’t like being talked to. Far worse all his upperclassmen would either baby him or just worry and he didn’t like that either. So no, wearing a mask wasn’t an option.

Instead he opted for just covering his mouth with his hand. It wasn’t like he was sick and had to cover his mouth his elbow and he didn’t intend on touching things that weren’t his. 

He felt something soft in his hand again. It caused his constricted throat to loosen up and stop its fit. 

Another petal. Just as brilliantly blue as it was yesterday. Maybe more so in the morning light. 

This couldn’t be real, Kei thought. Flowers could not just come out of someone's mouth, where's the logic in that? Besides, this petal is dry and his mouth, well, it was dry, but it was dry in mouth standards, it was still a healthy amount of wet.

Kei didn’t want to debate in his mind anymore about how wet his mouth was. He was going to be late if he didn’t start walking soon and Yamaguchi would be able to detect something was wrong that way. Yamaguchi Tadashi was far too perceptive for Kei’s own good.

Unlike last time Kei kept the petal in his hand, feeling it in between his forefinger and thumb. It was warm, almost like a heartbeat. 

“What’s that in your hand Tsukki?”

Kei could always tell it was Yamaguchi talking, not by his voice, which he could tell it was Yamaguchi that way, but by the way he said his name. Or his nickname, Tsukki. His voice always seemed different saying his name, higher or happier or...something like that. Kei was not good at understanding feelings and emotions through voice pitch, much less at all. 

“It’s a flower petal I found on the ground. I don’t know what kind of flower it is.” Half of it was a lie, he really didn’t know what kind of flower it was. And it wasn’t Kei’s flower, he didn’t grow it and he didn’t just cough it up four minutes ago.

“Well it’s blue, so um….” Yamaguchi pursed his lips in thought as they walked side by side, eyes trained on the petal in Kei’s hand. 

He was secretly delighted to talk to Kei in the morning, he wasn’t exactly what you’d call a morning person so usually during the walks to school he was quiet.

“Maybe it’s a violet?” He finally answered after his tiny hum of thought, sounding unsure. Kei couldn’t blame him, it was a bizarre out of place petal with only the color to go off of, and neither him nor Yamaguchi were flower experts.

“But if it’s called a violet shouldn’t it be purple?”

“Haven’t you heard of that one valentines day poem template in english?” Yamaguchi looked up in thought.

“Roses are red…” He began to speak in english. It wasn’t as good as Kei’s english as he would occasionally find it hard to pronounce the l’s at times but it was still comprehensible. 

He took his time saying the next verse, trying to remember the exact english wording.

“Violets are blue!” he managed to say without fudging the l’s in violet and blue. 

“Oh, violets are blue?” Kei asked, looking at Yamaguchi’s triumphant smile upon being able to pronounce english right.

“I think so yes, why not just look it up?” 

Kei pulled out his phone, keeping the petal safely in the palm of his hand as he flicked through the characters to type in ‘violets’, hoping that google would understand his request. 

Pictures of different violets popped up on the feed, all having the same range of bright purplish-bluish color as the petal in Kei’s hand. 

Yamaguchi took the phone and scrolled through the results, moving his eyes back and forth from the petal in his hand to the ones depicted on the screen. 

“It looks like a violet petal to me…” He said with more certainty than before. Although he still mulled over the pictures and compared them with the petal in Kei’s hand.

“Some violets have yellow on the petals.” Yamaguchi stated very enthusiastically, as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world. 

“They’re kind of like the moon and stars in the night sky huh?” Of course Yamaguchi would think of something so poetically endearing and yet so cheesy at the same time. 

Kei agreed with him of course, but it was still a sort of embarrassing thing to say. At least for him, unlike Yamaguchi he wasn’t so comfortable with sharing all of his flowery thoughts. Pun intended.

He rubbed the petal in between his fingers. It was still warm. It sort of creeped Kei out. 

“It says here that Violets mean loyalty, devotion, faithfulness and modesty.” Yamaguchi read off a gardening blog.

“It’s just a flower.” Kei responded, letting go of the petal and letting it flutter behind them. 

Yamaguchi turned his head to watch it dance its way through the air to kiss the ground and Kei couldn’t help thinking that description matches Yamaguchi quite perfectly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lilacs meaning: Joy of youth


	2. Chapter 2: Pansies

Kei did alright in class, didn’t really want to be at the top of his class but smart enough to pass. Although today he was rather out of his element. For the life of him the only thing he could do was focus on the every changing clouds rolling in the distance of the sky. 

Why was the question. The sky was the same boring blue as it always had been and never interested him before. Flowers had never piqued his interest either, before yesterday evening that is. 

Too many thoughts crowded his head and the only cure to them were stare at the clouds or steal glances from Yamaguchi. 

He would’ve sat next to or at least in close proximity to Yamaguchi, as he was his best friend, but the seating arrangement was done by alphabetical order and there are a few letters in between T and Y. 

Glancing at the freckled boy he was diligently taking notes, or frantically, it was hard to tell with him. But his hand glided across the notebook pages as he wrote every word that came out of the teacher's mouth like his life was at stake.  
Kei, however, couldn’t train his ears to listen. It all just sounded like white noise and the room was filled with cotton. Cotton Kei couldn’t see through or hear beyond. 

Taking off his glasses with a squint he rubbed them against his undershirt, which was a sweater vest atop a button up. He could simply wear a t-shirt but he was far too sensitive to the cold for that and it reminded him too much of Nishinoya, who’s iconic t-shirts were too hard to miss. 

“Tsukishima could you read the next passage for us?” The teacher’s voice almost caused him to flinch but instead he looked up with a squint on his face as his glasses were in his hands. She was just a brown splotch against the green chalkboard but he could tell she was looking at him expectantly. 

“Um excuse me Nanami-sensei but Tsuk-..Tsukishima-san isn’t feeling well and his throat hurts. I can read it instead.” Kei didn’t think his voice sounded that bad but it was enough for Yamaguchi to say something in class so he was grateful. Although it does make him wonder why Yamaguchi didn’t say anything when they talked this morning about the petal.

Yamaguchi read the passage, albeit with a bit of stuttering in trying to read the kanji they had just learned this week but the teacher commended him nonetheless. Kei gave him a sideway glance and to anyone it might have looked like a glare with mal intent but Yamaguchi knew it was a glance of gratitude. How he knew he didn’t know himself, it was just a gut feeling. 

****

“You didn’t have to do that.” They were sitting outside on the grass hill next to the school. The canteen was far too noisy for Kei’s liking so they migrated here whenever the weather allowed it. 

Yamaguchi turned his gaze to him, chopsticks in his mouth.

“It’s no problem Tsukki, you also didn’t have your glasses on and I didn’t want you to scramble to get them on and then find the passage in the book.” 

“I don’t scramble.”

“Right, sorry Tsukki.” He smiled a bit in embarrassment.  
Kei was actually quite grateful and Yamaguchi knew it. And Yamaguchi knew Kei was grateful as well. It was a silent agreement between them and they liked it that way. 

“If you don’t mind me asking Tsukki, are you okay? Are you sick?” Yamaguchi said after taking another bite of his lunch.

“Something like that.” He moved the contents of his lunch around his bento box. His mother tended to over fill his lunch box because he played volleyball and because Akiteru had a large appetite. Kei was different, however, he found eating just a trivial chore he had to partake in to continue on living. It wasn’t exactly fun or enjoyable like how Hinata and his dumbass crew expressed whenever there was meat around. 

Although, circumstances were wildly different when it came to sweets. Kei didn’t want to admit it because loving confectionaries and such sugary items wasn’t cool (or healthy) but he couldn’t help it. 

Strawberry shortcake quite literally took the cake, as it was Kei’s favorite sweets of all time. Vanilla, sponge cake, cream, strawberries, it was all quite simple and yet so varying in taste and variety. Simple and sweet, exactly what he loved.

It was like his relationship with Yamaguchi, simple and sweet. They were best friends who hung out and talked. Nothing more to the relationship and hopefully nothing less. 

If Kei was being honest it wasn’t as close as other best friendships are described. Like hugging every time they see, or touchy feely, breaking down in front of each other judgement free, telling each other secrets, they didn’t do that. 

Now that Kei thought about it Yamaguchi has had his share of sort of breakdowns. If breakdowns include nerves and feeling down. He gave him words of encouragement when that happened, in his own little Kei way. Although when Yamaguchi would lie and say ‘I’m going to the bathroom’ when he clearly wasn’t he never chased after him. What Yamaguchi did was his own business. 

Kei has never had what’s considered a breakdown, in his opinion. From peaking in from when his brother had a breakdown; tearing down his volleyball posters, knocking everything off his shelves, throwing his chair to the ground, he's never had such a torrent of emotions. 

He’s had his funks. The first time they went to the Tokyo training camp and he was being stubborn and didn’t want to practice, that was a really horrific time. Mostly because Kei now cringes at the thought of how childish he was, letting his brothers experience affect him.

Well, it still does, but Yamaguchi is always there to tell him off. Or yell him off, Yamaguchi found that yelling at Kei was quite effective. Plus it sort of puts a smile on Kei’s face, to see him like that, to see how much he’s grown. 

Kei is positive if Yamaguchi had to confront those bullies now like he did in grade 3 he would surely beat the crap out of them.

Or Kei hopes. 

“You know Yachi’s birthday is coming up. Are you going to get her anything?” Yamaguchi stole a sideways glance from Kei as he started to pack up his half eaten bento. Maybe he’ll eat it after practice if he’s hungry.

“No. I don’t know what she likes.”

“She likes animals, nice colors, and drawing and astrology.” Yamaguchi answered that surprisingly fast. But then again, he did have a very strong friendship with all of the other first years, with maybe the exception of Kageyama. 

“What will you get her?” Kei looked uninterested as ever, peering into the endless white swirls of the clouds in the sky. 

“Maybe a stationary? Or is that too basic? Should I get her some sweets instead? Maybe she’ll like that better.” 

Kei almost laughed from how anxious he sounded. Yachi was just a girl, why was he so worried?

“I just want to get it right…” He must’ve heard Kei snort or something because his cheeks had started to get rosey. 

Kei weighed the options.

On one hand he could reveal his secret of the fact that he was able to bake, as buying cakes and sweets would make far too much of a dent into his wallet so he decided to teach himself, on the other buy something boring like a stationary for Yachi too. Kei might be somewhat of a despondent person but he still tried his best to at least get something for his friend's birthday.

Yes, Yachi is the closest person other than Yamaguchi he wouldn’t consider a friend. She was sort of a pity friend? Just a bundle of nerves who can barely move at times but is a decent person. Dumbass one and two however were not.

“Do you think a stationary is too impersonal? Or is it just the right amount, I don’t want to make it too personal.” It was then Kei realized that Yamaguchi was still rambling on about what to get Yachi for her birthday. He really needed to chill.

“Why are you fretting so much over what to get Yachi for her birthday? Knowing her she’ll like your present regardless. And even if she doesn’t she’ll say anything, she’s too polite for her own good.” Kei figured. 

In return Yamaguchi gave him a pained smile.

“You know Tsukki, that really doesn’t make me feel better.”

“I’m just saying.” he shrugged in response, not bothering to give Yamaguchi so much as a glance.

The pinch server let out a long groan out of frustration as he flopped backwards into the grass, sprawling out his limbs with a discontent look on his face.

“I get that you don’t worry at all Tsukki, but I really need your help here. I just want to get Yachi a gift she’ll genuinely like and not, like, fake like.” That was far too many ‘likes’ for Yamaguchi to be happy.

Kei looked over to his best friend, who was laying like a starfish on his back. He noticed how his nose was crinkled, scrunching all his freckles together and his eyebrows were creased giving him a pouty look. However whenever Yamaguchi is frustrated in this way it doesn’t look very serious. He knows the difference between pouty-frustrated Yamaguchi and actually frustrated Yamaguchi. 

“You can’t go wrong with sweets.” Before he could think it over about 6 billion times Kei decided to say that before he could regret it. And to not think about it he turned to look back at the sky so he didn’t have to look at how Yamaguchi's face lit up.

“You think I should buy her sweets??” 

Kei shook his head. 

“No, make her sweets.” He looked over at Yamaguchi to see his expression and he got pretty much what he expected. He looked like he had just asked him the impossible. 

In actuality, at least to Kei, it was quite simple.

“I don’t... know how to cook?” Yamaguchi looked down, looking more stressed than ever. “But it is personalized and nice especially if it isn’t too complicated.” He pulled at his green hair.

“Don’t people only bake for Valentines day???” Kei was starting to get tired of this. 

“Shut up Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry Tsukki.” He took a deep breath. Yamaguchi knew he was starting to spiral out of control and that was Kei’s gentle reminder that he needed to calm down and take a breath.

“I can help you, when is her birthday?” Kei was using all of his restraint to not fiddle with his fingers.

“Next Tuesday.” he sounded out of it, in disbelief. 

“Find out what kind of snacks and confectionery she likes, then we can make them during the weekend.” 

It was weird, in Yamaguchi’s opinion. 

It was very weird.

Maybe Yamaguchi isn’t used to Kei having friends behind himself and wasn’t used to him doing something remotely nice for someone else but it still snagged him somewhere wrong. Then again he is doing this to help him after all so it wasn’t that surprising.

“Okay, I’ll try my best to be incognito about it.”

“There’s really no need. Because it’s you she’ll just assume you just want to know more about her rather than needing the information for a purpose. That’s just the kind of person you are.” Kei pushed up his glasses. What he said was just the plain truth but Yamaguchi couldn’t help but feel flattered.

“Alright! We’ve got a plan, thanks Tsukki.” Yamaguchi gave him an impromptu hug and Kei stifled a bit. He wasn’t the fondest of affection.

“Get off Yamaguchi.” 

“Sorry Tsukki!”

The hug didn’t bother him, it was the feeling in his throat that did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pansy meaning: Thoughts


	3. Chapter 3: Begonias

Kei was a bit perplexed by his coughing. 

Not by the flowers, because they weren’t real and haven't appeared since this morning, but by the suddenness of it all. But because it doesn’t follow any logic.

It hasn’t been cold enough for him to suddenly get a cough because of how harsh it was on his throat and the other option is that he had caught a cold. Which he didn’t, he would feel off, colds could be felt a day or two before one would start coughing. It just started suddenly after finishing dinner. 

It was a bit irritating as it made his breaths more strangled and raw but it was only a bump in the road. He could manage. Like he managed everything.

“Hey Yachi!” Yamaguchi approached the girl a foot smaller than himself with warm cheeks. Was he embarrassed or anxious it was hard to tell, Kei thought.

“I like what you did with your hair today.”

Yachi laughed at his comment. “What do you mean Yamaguchi? I do my hair like this everyday!” 

“That’s why I like it!” They both laughed at Yamaguchi’s remark. 

Kei slipped on his knee pads. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was listening in on their conversation. Maybe it was because he needed to know her answer too or because Yamaguchi is his friend and he didn’t really do much without him or simply because it was probably the most intelligent conversation going on in the gym right now. Whatever the reason is he continued to listen.

“-you really think it’s fitting for me to really like green tea cakes and sweets?” the conversation picked up naturally to sweets. Yamaguchi was surprisingly a smooth talker. Kei would’ve thought the girls would be chasing after Yamaguchi instead of himself but he didn’t get it.

Yamaguchi was tall, it’s just that Kei was taller. And frankly Kei thought a nice framed face and freckles were more desirable than a head of curly blonde hair but Kei was not a woman so he really wouldn’t know anything about liking boys. What makes a boy attractive in a romantic way? How do crushes work? Kei wouldn’t have a clue.

“Hmm, well I don’t actually get to eat sweets all that much but I like fugashi.” She put a finger to her chin in thought. 

Kei picked up on that. Fugashi wasn’t technically a sweets but it was coated in brown sugars. There are many Japanese style confectionaries that were airy such as higashi that might delight Yachi but he wasn’t sure if he was limited to Japanese sweets. It would be nice if he could just ask himself and know what she wanted.

“You know I’ve really wanted to try macarons! They’re so cute and colorful!” Yachi exclaimed, stopping all the careful processing Kei was doing to figure out the perfect sweets to make her. Thank you Yachi, for being a mind reader.

“Oh yeah! They’re, like, french cookie sandwiches right?” Yamaguchi tried to visualize what they’d look like. It was a good thing Kei had offered to help him make them because he’s seen them in display windows at cafes and they are not cheap. 

“Yeah! They come in a bunch of different flavors too! Honestly I’d be fine with any they seem so delicious!” Kei was seriously considering the possibility of Yachi being able to read minds at this point. He was just mulling over the different types of macarons there are and what would fit her taste since she likes fugashi. 

“Oh! Maybe there are green tea flavored macarons!” Yamaguchi gave her a cheeky broad smile. Kei really liked it when Yamaguchi smiled.

Kei made a reminder to try and make green tea macarons too. 

****

After the warm up run around the school, twenty serves and Coach Ukai giving the team a rundown of upcoming events it was time for the three on three matches. 

Kei was fine beforehand, albeit a bit slower in running than usual, but he hadn’t felt the urge to cough since lunch. 

However during the three on three matches it was hard for Kei to balance restraining the urge to cough and calculating when to jump for a block. It irritates him that he’s been letting Tanaka's straights fly past him leaving Yamaguchi to try and attempt to pick them up. 

“YEAH! I’M ON FIRE!” Tanaka yelled gloriously, waving his jersey shirt in the air. Kei detested how loud he was.

“Put your shirt on! There are girls present moron!” Ennoshita, who was keeping score with Kiyoko, was leaning against the score board. Not that Ennoshita wasn’t enjoying the view but he had common courtesy and suffered second hand embarrassment from the future ace. 

Kei let a small ‘tch’ as he looked over at Yamaguchi who only smiled sympathetically. It irked him that he wasn’t at the top of his game and Tanaka was rubbing it in his face, even if it was unintentionally. 

“Why do you suck today Tsukishima?” Hinata poked, looking at him with innocent eyes. In the back Yamaguchi said his silent prayers for Hinata.

“Excuse me, can you say that again?” Tsukishima’s glare had never been so intense, it was like he was trying to melt Hinata with his stare. Suffice to say it was rather effective.

“Oh...um…” He hid behind Kageyama, who was on the other side of the net meaning he ran over beforehand. “You just seem off today.”

Wiping the sweat off his brow he made another ‘tch’ before turning away, Hinata letting out a sigh of relief. Yamaguchi eyed him carefully, arms ready for not only the ball but just in case Kei decided now would be the time to succumb to illness. 

“I don’t know Tsukishima, Hinata is right. Are you okay?” Kei was fine when Yamaguchi asked this but now that it was Daichi everyone was staring at him. He didn’t want to make such a giant commotion but this could also be an ample opportunity to skip out on practice. But Hinata really got under his nerves.

Swallowing the itchy feeling in his throat, Kei nodded very discreetly as he kept his position on court. After that Daichi dropped it, he trusted Kei enough to let him continue to play despite not being at his top game. However he was never really at his top game most of the time, especially during simple practice three on three matches. If he were to rate himself on his effort level today it would be a good forty-five percent.

However shoving the feeling would only last so long, and Kei found himself practically chugging his entire water bottle after his three on three match was over. Of course they lost, they had no setter only middle blockers (one of them being Hinata Kei never thought they had a chance in the first place) and the other team had Kageyama as their setter with two wing spikers. Technically it was a battle between offence and defense but Yamaguchi was more of a pinch server rather than a middle blocker and Hinata could hardly be part of any type of blocking wall. 

“Woah Tsukki take it easy, a lot of water and not much food can’t be too good for your stomach.” Yamaguchi said, watching him as he set down his now empty water bottle next to his towel. Kei looked over at him with mild annoyance and turned away, assessing the situation. The feeling had gone away for the time being, but he had a feeling it would come back with a vengeance so better play it safe.

“Daichi-san, can I sit this one out?” Despite keeping his cool tone in check when asking, Kei had started to play with his fingers, feeling them for no particular reason other than just nervous habit.

“Of course Tsukishima, we were just going to switch the players anyway.” Daichi nodded, drawing on the board who would be playing who. Daichi, Nishinoya and Ennoshita vs. Asahi, Sugawara and Tanaka. All the first years were swapped out which made Kei feel a little better but that didn’t stop the chaotic duo from making a ruckus of complaint. 

“We get that you first years need to do a lot of improvement but you guys aren’t the only ones here. The second and third years need to also improve and be on top of their game.” Daichi patted Kageyama on the shoulder and Hinata on the head. Reasonably enough that got through to them and sat quietly and observed.

Well the observation was, in a word, intense. Asahi frowned at the intense concentration on him there was from Hinata and Suga only awkwardly smiled from the searing gaze from Kageyama. 

Kei slumped against the wall as he sat without his usual grace, it was as if he was going to collapse. He was breathing fairly heavily but he was trying to suppress his raggidy breaths as it hurt and only made him want to cough more. 

Yamaguchi glanced over and pursed his lips. Time to put his talents of flattery and friendship to good work.

“Tsukki, I think you’re smart.” Yamaguchi started, walking over to him and standing close. Kei looked up at him, slow shallow breaths escaping his mouth. The most he could do was raise an eyebrow in response. 

“And I think you do what's best for the team, and yourself.” He picked his words carefully. He had to think about this. Kei did not like being told what he can and cannot do so telling him he should just go home is not an option.

“So Tsukki, what do you think is our best move here?” Kei could tell what Yamaguchi was hinting at, he wasn’t trying to be secretive about it. Normally he would’ve just glared at Yamaguchi for his annoying little tricks and suggestions but he felt all crapped out, his throat was killing him. 

Trying his best not to vomit on the spot, because at this point he had suppressed his coughs so much it felt that bad, he walked to the gym doors without a word. Hinata asked where he was going but he didn’t respond as he continued to walk to the club room.

“What’s wrong with Stingyshima?!” Hinata asked loudly and grumpily. Kei may have poor eyesight but Hinata yelled that loud enough for him to hear.

“I think he has a cold, don’t be too hard on him.” Yamaguchi sighed, looking at the doorway that Kei left from. 

Kei closed the door to the club room silently, staring at the matted floor elevated away from the entrance. Gym bags were either carelessly tossed onto the metal racks (usually Hinata, Nishinoya, Tanaka etc.) or neatly tucked away (Kei and Yamaguchi’s bags were put side by side without a mess). Posters hung from the wall, girls in bikinis at the beach was the biggest poster, courtesy of Tanaka. However there was a single picture of Kei on the wall, taped to the corner of Tanaka’s poster.

It was a messy and mundane picture, like it was hastily taken. Kei looked somewhat caught off guard in the picture, Yamaguchi clearly didn’t tell him he was taking it. However it wasn’t in Kei to get mad at his best friend for taking a photo of him so he looked mildly annoyed at best.

Sugawara told the first years that the club room walls were for placing people you admire and look up to as a source of inspiration. Hinata didn’t have a picture of the little giant, prompting him to write it on a piece of paper in loud black ink and tape it to the wall with a triumphant smile. Though, Kageyama told him to take it down because it was, in his own words, really, really dumb. 

As a joke Yamaguchi placed a picture of Kei on the wall, because it was true Yamaguchi admired Kei, but wouldn’t actually put his picture on the wall in the club room unironically as that would be too embarrassing for both Yamaguchi and Kei. Tanaka even said that seeing that smug city boys face on a wall just made him angry instead of inspired. But it stayed for some unknown reason, Yamaguchi didn’t bother taking it down and no one was going to rip it off the wall. 

Taking off his shoes at the club rooms genkan, he stepped atop the matted floors and took a deep breath. Simple, right? Breathing was a natural function Kei didn’t have to think about. However in this situation it was probably one of the hardest moves so far.

It was constricted at best. _In,_ shakily, as if his ribs were creaking with every move of his lungs. _Out,_ like squeezing the air out of hole the size of a toothpick out of a large balloon. Kei didn’t know why at this point he was trying to contain his coughing but it wasn’t good for his body or mental health to be constantly concentrating on breathing without error. Although it was hardly working as his breath would hitch numerous times.

Then again, maybe Kei did know why he was holding back.

It collapsed, like a dam. All his self control shattered as his esophagus betrayed him, jolting Kei to his knees. 

He couldn’t keep himself up as he put a hand to his mouth to suppress his violent coughs. 

Lame. 

The sounds he was making were so lame.

And yet, he couldn’t stop them no matter how hard he tried. It was worse than yesterday night, he had been holding it in since lunch. His body shivered and convulsed with the sound of his retching and coughing. It stung his ears with how pathetic he sounded.

His saliva was all over his hand from the amount of coughing and dry heaving he had done and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. Still, it continued, like the world was folding in on itself and the surroundings turned to bleak nothingness as Kei collapsed in on himself. He was trying hard not to drool over the tatami mats but it might be a must with all the sputtering he was doing. 

With a great heave and fear that surged through his body over the fact he was going to empty his lunch onto the floor he used another hand to his mouth and let it out.

However his mouth wasn’t filled with disgusting bile or chunks of food, it was a texture that Kei wasn’t used to, but was familiar nonetheless.

Opening his eyes, which were screwed shut so tight he was tearing up, he slowly removed his hands from his mouth to find something he couldn’t comprehend. 

It was a fully bloomed violet, warm like a heartbeat and seemingly barely wet despite coming out of his mouth. Despite being smaller than his palm it felt impossibly large in his throat. 

The tiny blue flower lit up the room, as if the moonlight coming through the window bounced off the petals like a disco ball. 

It deeply disturbed him that apparently flowers, something he wouldn’t dream of eating, had started erupting from his throat. No less intact as well. Not wilting or soggy, it was as if the flower was picked right off the stem from outside the club room. 

By all definitions of logic this should be impossible, _it is impossible._ And yet there it was, a tiny, frighteningly blue flower had seated itself perfectly into Kei’s palm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Begonia meaning: beware  
> Japanese notes:  
> -Fugashi is a Japanese dry wheat gluten snack with brown sugar on it  
> -Higashi is a Japanese tea time confectionery that is very dry  
> -Genkan is the area at the front door of Japanese style homes or apartments where one would take off their shoes


	4. Chapter 4: Hibiscus

Kei texted Yamaguchi he’d be back tomorrow, or at the very least be okay for the practice matches with the Tokyo powerhouses. Yamaguchi seemed hesitant in his texts with responses like ‘No one is going to blame you for deciding to stay home’ or ‘Aren’t breaks logical?’ but Kei wouldn’t budge on his verdict. 

He opted to just let himself cough to avoid any further episodes. The gears were turning in Kei’s mind about possible reasons why he was coughing up flowers, because he couldn’t just ignore the truth anymore, and theories of how to combat the symptoms. It seemed that there was less of a chance coughing up or vomiting flowers if he coughed on a regular basis, like keeping up consistency. But that was as far as his theories went, he had no idea what caused him to do such impossible things in the first place.

Kei did spend some time on his laptop spending about an hour looking up what he had but all of the suggested diseases seemed preposterous. The cause being something as superficial as unrequited love? Well, for him anyway, Kei has never liked anyone in his life, much less been in love. It was absolutely ridiculous and it seemed like the cause of this mystery illness eluded him more than ever.

“Do you need anything?” Akiteru asked for the sixth time since Kei woke up. He understood that his older brother wanted to make sure he was comfortable but how was he supposed to be comfortable with his brother breathing down his neck? With a glare Akiteru smiled in response and disappeared from the doorway, leaving Kei to his own business. 

In between his coughing Kei had started to take notes on how to make macarons, taking out his baking notebook (which he tucks away in his dinosaur books shelf and labeled the spine ‘the history of fossils’) and diligently wrote things he would need to do. From what he’s researched so far they are unbelievably difficult to make, hense their higher price range. Not to mention they took a good three hours to make and had to be stored in the fridge. 

He would have to practice, despite baking for a couple of years now, there was no way he was going to be able to just magically nail it the one and only time he’s tried with Yamaguchi so practice was essential. Based on what ingredients he had home he could probably modify the recipe to fit what he had and if that didn’t work he would know those ingredients were essential. 

Taking his baking notebook with him, now filled with information on how to bake macaroons, he left the comforts of his room and made his way to the kitchen.

“Kei? What are you doing out of bed?” Akiteru was lounging in the family room, reading this week's shonen manga when Kei made his way to the kitchen.

“I just have a cough, I’m not dying.” He retorted, putting on his plain apron, blue with a couple of stains and a star logo in the top left corner. 

“Yeah but that means you should rest.”

“I’m fine.” Kei interjected. Honestly, the only sick he was was being sick of his brothers overbearing doting. Akiteru didn’t bother prying anymore as Kei ignored him and got to work. 

****

Failure was the only thing staring Kei in the face as he coughed into his elbow. His hands were caked in flour and he’d rather not get it on his nose and into his lungs to make him cough even more. 

Every time Kei tried making the meringue shells they would collapse, or if they did stand they would break apart the moment Kei tried holding them. 

To be honest this experience was putting a sizable dent in his ego as a good baker. Maybe he just wasn’t used to making things this delicate, his specialty was making cakes, not tiny, dainty cookies such as these. 

For his test run he was making green tea macarons considering green tea powder was fairly easy to work with. If he had made strawberry or peach macarons he would need a way to find to put them in the meringue and just trying to make it regularly was hard enough. 

He wanted to switch it up from all the green he was looking at. It was sort of a nice mundane color to look at but as of right now it was just a grim reminder. 

There were four attempts so far, more attempts than to Kei’s liking, and it was lemon macarons. That was easy considering he just needed to put lemon zest in the meringue. He had a bowl of lemon and green tea ganache chilling in the fridge and his third attempt of green tea chilling in the freezer. They seemed to be doing okay, they didn’t break apart in the oven but he still wanted to get this right. 

“Hey Kei you’ve been in here for hours and I just wanted to check-oh wow.” Akiteru seemed to have moved from his spot in the living room and wandered into the kitchen to see Kei concentrating on mixing the contents of his bowl. 

What was once an orderly kitchen when Kei first began baking was now in disarray. Baking sheets messily taken from their usual spots, trays tossed carelessly into the sink, strangled piping bags and not to mention a lot of green tea meringue shards sitting atop the counter in a messy clump. Although there were about five actually completed macarons next to that clump, the comparison between the failed and successful attempts doesn’t seem reassuring. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you so frustrated like this, especially at baking.” Akiteru had a small smile on his face as Kei gave him the side eye.

“Macarons huh?” He bent down to look at Kei’s baking notebook and then looked at the kitchen again to take in all of it’s chaos.

“Yeah.” Kei put down his wooden spoon so he could start putting the soft yellow meringue in yet another piping bag.

"Maybe you’re sucking at this because you’re sick.” He took a flake from the disaster pile and popped it into his mouth, holy hell was that delicious.

“I’m not sick. Just a cough.” 

“Still, you really shouldn’t be baking for hours on end. Why are you doing this anyway? Is it Tadashi’s birthday soon?” He pointed at a finished macaron to ask if it was okay, when Kei didn’t respond it meant not a no so he decided to take a bite. The end product was far superior to the disheveled flakey pile. 

“No, it’s for Hitoka-san’s birthday.” Kei was basically an expert at the piping size for macarons as he had so many attempts, so this process took a little less time than when he first started out. 

“Who’s Hitoka?” He licked his fingers, savoring the lingering taste of Kei’s macarons. Akiteru has always enjoyed Kei’s baking and has always helped him out on numerous occasions. He missed Kei’s bright smile whenever he was able to make fluffy whip cream or make the sponge cake perfect. Kei still smiled when he did those things, but now they were more of a knowing smirk, like he was saying ‘this was really easy, I’m sure you’d be able to do it too if you were competent.’

“The first year manager who is going to take over for Kiyoko-san.” He observed his handy work that he had looked at many times before, but this time in a cheery yellow. It was mocking him.

“Ooooooooh so a pretty girl is it?” Akiteru snickered, which made Kei roll his eyes. Though, the thought of Yachi did make him freeze a bit. The flowers were caused by unrequited love, if he was actually going to entertain the idea of the cause being love like what the internet says, Yachi would be the closest candidate. 

There were only two girls he was sort of close to and those would be Kiyoko and Yachi. By far he was much closer to Yachi as she would hang out with the first years when they hung out, not that Kei wasn’t reluctant to go but Yamaguchi would drag him along every time. Yamaguchi was his best friend after all and he wouldn’t want to let him down, despite seeming to have a cold exterior. To be honest most of the time he told Yamaguchi to shut up was usually to calm him down or because he was embarrassing him. It was always a nice gesture but Kei would rather not have the tips of his ears to be red.

He’s decided no, he was not, in fact, in love with Yachi. Yachi was a friend and Kei could never think of her as anything more.

“We’re just friends, Niisan. Yamaguchi was the one who had the idea to get her a birthday present in the first place.” He carefully placed the meringue in the oven, silently crossing his fingers in hopes that they would retain their shape this time. 

“Of course, you wouldn’t think of making a girl something like that, that’s not like you.”

“What are you implying?” Even though he had just put the macarons in the oven he had more work to do. His third attempt was taken out of the freezer, cold enough at this point and carefully on the counter. Going back to the fridge he also took out the green tea ganache and took off the saran wrap that was clinging to the cold metal lip of the bowl. 

“Oh you know,” Akiteru shrugged as he hoisted himself to sit on one of the rare spots on the counter that wasn’t covered in trays or baking supplies. “You just don’t seem like the type to woo girls. Or like girls in general.” 

Kei knew exactly what he was implying.

“So you think I’m not capable of getting a girlfriend.” He gave him a pointed look and Akiteru seemed like the point was lost somewhere in Kei’s analysis. 

“Ah, not that...I’ve seen the amount of gifts you bring home from valentines day but I meant you’d rather not get one.” He tried to explain, using his hand motions in an effort to help Kei understand. Unfortunately he didn’t in the slightest. 

Kei, though, did hum in agreement. “You’re right. I don’t want a girlfriend.” 

“Well how about boys?” It was dicey, Akiteru knew, but his curiosity was starting to eat him up, slowly but surely. Kei stopped for a moment from his inspection of the meringue shells, which seemed to be perfectly rigid and not falling apart as soon as he picked them up, to look up at his older brother. His eyes narrowed behind his glasses, cogs shifting in his head.

“I know you doubt that I have other friends besides Yamaguchi, but I do.” Honestly Kei was rather insulted by his brothers sentiment. Sure he wasn’t the fondest of human interactions and didn’t necessarily consider the other first years as friends but they were close enough to the cut for them to be counted in this situation.

Akiteru’s features faltered for a bit before wearing a smile that seemed a bit pitiful. “No, I don’t doubt it. You seem to be happier when you get home.” 

Kei was happy right now that his third attempt had been successful but Akiteru’s words were far from pleasant. He wasn’t some socially starved kid who needed the company of others to be happy. Akiteru didn’t have to ask questions like this. He didn’t want a girlfriend and he didn’t need any other friend than Yamaguchi and that was that. 

Placing half of the meringue shells upside-down he put the cold slow ganache into a piping bag, keeping an eye on his brother. Akiteru seemed lost in thought as he stared down at the kitchens hardwood. At least that meant he wouldn’t make more uncomfortable brother-to-brother heart-to-heart chit chat with him.

With one hand he piped the ganache and with the other he held the shell steady. Once the ganache had taken up a portion of the middle he placed another shell atop the ganache, making it spread out. Kei sighed with relief as the meringue didn’t so much as crack this time, however this could mean that it was too dense.

Once finishing roughly fifteen macarons he handed one to his brother, who was just watching in silence. “Taste this. Tell me what it’s like.”

Delicately, unlike the first macaron he tasted, he took a bite out of the cookie. He cared about his brothers craft, it deserves that much. 

After a chew and a swallow he looked up, as if searching his brains for the right words to say to describe what he ate.

“It’s fantastic.” After twenty seconds of silent thought Akiteru settled on that word, giving his brother a smile. Kei wasn’t satisfied with that answer.

“Was it too soft? Was it too hard? Too sweet or too bland? Was the meringue too burnt? Is the ganache too thick?” Kei asked in rapid succession, unconsciously moving closer to his brother with each question. 

“You know I don’t think I remember you being this pushy when it comes to baking.” He chuckled awkwardly as Kei gave him another macaron to taste test. 

“Normally I’m not.” He himself took a bite out of a macaron, chewing slowly to take note of what needed to be changed. In this particular instance he needed to add more sugar to the meringue.

“But I’m baking for people other than just our family. Therefore, they need to be perfect.” He jotted down to add more sugar next time in his notebook. There were records of his attempts right next to the page of the recipe. Each attempt was noted in great detail, to the measurements, to some faults, the consistency of the meringue batter, everything he would need to improve with each passing attempt. He concluded that attempt three had been the most successful and highlighted parts that were the most important for him to be able to pull off another. 

“Look Kei if you want my honest opinion,” He started, but paused to swallow, “I said what I meant, it’s fantastic.” Akiteru had a smile on his face when he said that, it was sincere. 

Before Kei could complain about his vague answer again he continued in his sentiment. 

“Nothing can really be perfect Kei. To you it might not be sweet enough, to me it’s just right. To Tadashi it could be a bit too sweet,” he rambled on, “but my point is that everyone has their preferences and it’s going to be difficult to make something ‘perfect’ when everyone is different.” 

Akiteru ruffled Kei’s hair like when he did when he was younger. On the counter he was taller than Kei so it felt a bit nostalgic.

“But I am certain your friend-Hikota was it? Hikota-san will love it regardless because you put so much effort into it.” For once Kei didn’t brush off his brother's advice. It was true he had basically slaved over making these macarons so they could be perfect and he would be damned if Yachi didn’t like it after all that.

“Thanks.” Kei said quietly as he took out the lemon meringue from the oven and set it on the counter. Akiteru could barely hear it over the movements of the oven creaking when opening but it was enough to make the taste in his mouth a little sweeter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hibiscus meaning: Delicate Beauty  
> Happy Valentines day everyone! Reminder I try and update this every friday.


	5. Chapter 5: Colanders

“Hey.”

“Tsukki!!” 

Yamaguchi barreled towards Kei at lighting speed, wrapping his arms around Kei before he could even process what was happening. Two hugs in a week, bizzare.

Kei coughed into his mask, causing Yamaguchi to let go quickly in fear that he had hurt him, giving Kei a sympathetic smile. 

“Sorry Tsukki, I just missed you. It was kind of boring at school without you.” Yamaguchi of course had other friends, such as Hinata, and had a great time with him. It wasn’t like he was lost without Kei or depended on him heavily for emotional support, but he still would have prefered to walk with Kei rather than walk in silence back home. 

“Here.”

Yamaguchi looked down to what was in Kei’s hand. It was a baby blue cloth with moon matterns on it tied together with a star drawstring securing the top in a neat bow. Gingerly Yamaguchi took it within his own hands, feeling the contents of it shift, they were slightly cold too. He tugged at the string, the perfect bow being undone and the moon to fall along with the tie. The cloth opened, Yamaguchi almost dropped the amount of macarons being held within the package but Kei quickly cupped his hands on Yamaguchi’s to save them. 

“Woah, Tsukki…” Yamaguchi was in disbelief. Kei, the boy who never tried too hard at anything and loved dinosaurs and the most despondent boy on the earth, made these beautiful green and yellow macarons? 

Carefully sliding his hands out of Kei’s he delicately picked up a green macaron, scared he would break it. He took a sniff. Green tea.

“Did you make this Tsukki?” He just wanted to make sure this wasn’t store bought.

“Yes, I wanted to make sure we actually knew how to make macarons before making some for Yachi-san.” Kei tried his best to seem like his usual, uninterested self, but on the inside he was buzzing with anticipation. This was his first time presenting his baking to someone else other than his family. What was so nerve wracking is that baking is one of Kei’s passion and he didn’t want to be mocked for it, worse, told his products of baking were bad. And it just so happens the first thing he was presenting was something he wasn’t very good at baking in the first place. Just his luck.

He popped the entire thing in his mouth, a somewhat doubtful look on his face as he wasn’t sure what flavor to expect, but as soon as it spread across his tongue there were stars in his eyes. 

“Tsukki these are the best macarons I’ve ever had!” He almost spit out the cookie from talking too fast out of excitement. Yamaguchi could hardly believe what he was tasting. It was just the perfect amount of sweetness and he could really taste the matcha flavor clearly. He placed a hand to his mouth so he could talk again without worrying he might spit on Kei.

“Did you really make this?” He swallowed, a bit sad that it was gone but the taste still lingered.

“Again, I did.” He shrugged, folding the cloth upward to close it again. Yamaguchi started to tie the string around the top of the bag, the bow sloppier than what it was before.

“I looked up how to make macarons yesterday! They take so long and are difficult to make if you don’t know how to bake! How were you able to make them so delicious?” Warmth spread through Kei’s body when he called his baking delicious and it made the tingling feeling in the back of his throat much more noticable. Kei quickly turned to cough a bit, which concerned Yamaguchi to a degree, but it didn’t seem as bad as before. 

“I practiced.” He said simply, shrugging. “I bake.”

“Well I know you bake, after all you made these!” Yamaguchi still wasn’t getting the point.

Kei shook his head, getting visibly more annoyed at his ignorance, “I bake as a hobby. I’m better at making cakes.”

“You mean, you can make cakes even tastier than these macarons?!” He was getting exponentially loud, his excitement almost to the point where he was paralyized. 

Kei had gotten used to Yamaguchi’s praise in everything he did. He was tall and smart and good at volleyball, he never did anything uncool, most of the time. However for this tiny little instant, where Yamaguchi praised him at something he genuinely loves doing and is passionate about his cheeks flushed, the feeling spreading through his body and pooling at his lungs. 

“Well, uh, yeah…” He trailed off, not sure what else to say to Yamaguchi, who was looking at him with the most awestruck expression ever to be dawned. 

“Tsukki! That’s...that’s..” Yamaguchi looked at his balled up fists at his sides, trying to think of a coherent and thoughtful compliment he could give Kei for his amazing baking.

“That’s so totally awesome and cool!” And he blew it. ‘Awesome’? ‘Cool’? Extravagant vocabulary, truly. 

Kei only smiled at his words, unfortunately blocked by the mask he was wearing but Yamaguchi could tell he was smiling by the look in his eyes.

“Thanks Yamaguchi, I’ll bake for you sometime.” He regave Yamaguchi the bag of macarons, Yamaguchi now taking as if it was some sort of lost treasure.

“You sure you’re really okay with giving all of them to me?” His hands were on the verge of shaking as he held them, taking a strap of his backpack off his shoulder so he could put the sack in without damaging it. Truth be told Yamaguchi was scared somehow they’d get ruined in his backpack.

“Yes, It’s half of what I made. I gave the rest to my family, and since we’ll be making them during the weekend I thought you’d want to try the practice runs.” Kei explained. 

“But with how amazing these macarons I can’t really contribute anything.” He was down on himself again, Kei noted the adorable cowlick on his head was starting to wilt. 

“Don’t be stupid.” That came out a little harsher than he intended. “It was your idea to get Yachi-san something for her birthday so I can’t take all the credit.” He began walking and Yamaguchi had to take a moment before following.

“Besides,” Kei could feel the scratchiness of his throat, but it wouldn’t kill him to hold it in just to finish his sentence, “I think you’d be good at decorations.” He took a moment to cough again into his elbow. 

Yamaguchi almost stopped walking at that. Turning his head at the speed where any normal would probably get whiplash he looked at Tsukki with wide eyes.

“You really think so?” He sounded so unsure, so fragile. Kei wasn’t sure the tone in his voice was a good or bad thing.

“Yeah.” 

That was all it took for a warm, wide smile to spread across Yamaguchi’s face. It was so bright that Kei thought his glasses would fracture comedically from the radiance of it. Instead a sudden snag hit his throat and he turned to cough.

“Oh, Tsukki are you sure you’ll be okay to join practice?” And with that Yamaguchi’s smile was gone. Damn this mysterious illness and its downsides.

“Yes, I’ll be fine, I’ve been taking cough medicine.” Kei had to admit it was improving his throat grately as it felt less scratched up, but he still coughed from time to time. Luckily no flowers had come out of his mouth and he would prefer to keep it that way. 

“Okay.” Yamaguchi licked his lips, the taste had faded from his mouth and already he craved it once again. Is this what it’s like to be Kei? Constantly craving sweets?

“Man Tsukki those macarons were so good I don’t know if I’ll be able to restrain myself from eating them all before practice.” He whined, very tempted to just reach for them in his bag.

“I can take them back if you w-”

“Nope, they’re mine no take backsies.” Yamaguchi took a sidestep away from Kei, vowing to protect the goods in his backpack. Sure they were tempting but he’d rather not eat them now than not eat them at all. 

Kei hooked his mask with his finger, pulling it down to reveal a soft smile, one he often wore around Yamaguchi exclusively. “Okay I won’t, just don’t eat it all and lose your voice too.” 

****

“What’s that next to your bag Yamaguchi?” Tanaka, who was being nosey as ever, proded, gesturing to the macaron sack, which now contained a little less from when it first left Kei’s house.

“Oh, they’re cookies, would you like some?” Yamaguchi had a tendency to be too lenient with sharing. Before he could even think it over he would already be asking if they wanted a piece of what was his, not that he minded. The only exception to this rule was french fries. Kei knew from personal experience how absolutely stingy Yamaguchi was when it came to fries. He has a scar from one unfortunate experience. 

“Hell yeah I would!” Upon the commotion the others started to crowd around Yamaguchi, who was unintentionally building a tension in the air with how gingerly he was handling the bag. Nishinoya had crawled under everyone, Hinata was hiding behind Kageyama in unknown fear of the bags contents and Ennoshita was holding onto Tanaka's arm with a tesne expression, opting to lace their fingers. Kei always assumed Tanaka was friends mostly with Noya, he didn’t know he was so close to Ennoshita as well.

Undoing the ribbon, which at this point had become sloppier with each retie, the cloth fell open, exposing the mound of green and yellow macarons.

“Aren’t those fancy french cookies?” Nishinoya commented, eyeing them in all of their magnificence. 

“They’re called macarons, Noya.” Ennoshita commented, letting out a sigh of relief. His grip loosened on Tanaka's hand but it still remained entangled with his.

“You sure we can really eat these?” Tanaka was somewhat hesitant, almost in fear. They seemed so perfect and he’s seen them around when he was with Ennoshita. He bought two and it cost him 800 yen just for that. Tanaka swore to Ennoshita that he would never buy them again in effort to have mercy on his wallet and be able to go out with him again. 

“Yeah, you guys can have one for now, I want to make sure there’s enough to go around. The green ones are green tea and the yellow ones are lemon.” Yamaguchi explained, outstretching his arms so that his teammates could grab their share.

Nishinoya stole a macaron as fast as lighting from the pile, in contrast to that Ennoshita’s hands lingered near the pile, considering which one looked the best well put together as well as which flavor to go for, green tea or lemon.

“For god's sake Chikara-” Tanaka, who had just been waiting patiently for Ennoshita to pick his macaron, crudely shoved a lemon macaron in his hand and grabbed a green tea macaron for himself. Ennoshita gave him a glare, which an unassuming bystander would think he was looking at Tanaka very sleepily.

“Don’t give me that, you like sour things I know that much.” Tanaka absent-mindedly took a bite out of the macaron, forgetting that it was more than just a cereal bar. That’s when Tanaka goes quiet and still, just staring out with wide eyes and an unmoving face.

“Uh, Tanaka? You good man?” Nishinoya looked up at his best friend, an inquisitive look on his face. Frankly, it was quite unnerving to see Tanaka in such a vegetable-like state. 

“Ryuu?” Ennoshita shook him, wondering if he had died. Kei nervously looked over, thankful everyone was fixated on frozen Tanaka to notice the glance. Yamaguchi had a talent for flattery but he didn’t know it was enough to mask a taste so terrible it immobilized his upperclassman. 

Without warning a cry ripped out of Tanaka’s throat, dramatic tears following suit. 

“This! This is God's work!” he commented, sparkles practically radiating off of his body. Everyone else stared down at the tiny cookie in their palms, was it really that amazing it moved Tanaka to tears?

Kei went wide-eyed, surprised by the outcome. He knew that Tanaka had a dramatic personality but he usually only cried in the presence of Kiyoko. Kei tried his hardest not to feel pride swell up in his chest, as it was one of his first times being praised by someone other than his family or Yamaguchi, but he was failing miserably. This felt great, even if no one knew it was him behind the baked goods. 

“You’re right! These are almost as good as ice pops!” Nishinoya gobbled up the macaron at an even faster speed of which he consumed popsicles. He licked his lips in delight and satisfaction, nodding in agreement to Tanaka's crying.

Ennoshita’s reaction to the macaron wasn’t as extreme as Tanakas, he just smiled and seemed to be in a temporary state of bliss as he savored the sweet treet. “These are better than the ones we bought at the bakery.” Kei felt somewhat guilty from that comment. The professional patissiere who went to school to make top quality sweets probably wouldn’t be happy to hear that. 

All of them were savoring Kei’s cookies and he couldn’t help but feel uneasy. He best leave while he still can. Kei began lacing his shoes and tying them, but in his hurry he kept on messing up. Damn these fiber noodles.

“Yamaguchi how were you able to afford so many high quality macarons? These cost a fortune!” Tanaka had long since finished his macaron, but Ennoshita was kind enough to break off a piece of his own and give it to Tanaka and let him indulge in the blissful sweetness once more. It didn’t matter that it was lemon flavored, it was still refreshingly amazing. 

“Oh, I didn’t buy them.” Yamaguchi waved his hand at the misunderstanding, “Tsukki baked them!”

Ah.

Crap.

Kei’s resolve to not flinch under the searing gaze of his teammates was a tall order to fill. He was used to it of course, but this was about a passion he’s kept on the downlow. Kei would be lying if he didn’t say he had begun to sweat a little.

“No way Tsukishima could make something as delicious as this!” Hinata, always one of the loudest of the groups, yelled, licking his fingers to clean them. 

“It is kind of hard to believe Tsukishima of all people would pick up something like baking.”

“I always took him as the guy who read books in his free time.” Tanaka shrugged.

Kei sometimes indulged in books, but they would have to be ones that piqued his interests right off the back. Call him an old man but he really did revel in reading informational books rather than a story of fiction. Not that they weren’t worth his time but learning about the world around him interested him to no end. His fascination with dinosaurs was partly linked to this. When Kei was younger his brother would bring him to the local library and Kei would sit there on the brightly colored rug and flip through the pages of a thin book of the alphabet but with dinosaurs for every letter. Of course he only paid attention to the cool looking dinosaurs on every page but when he read the worlds it made it that much more fascinating. Akiteru stopped taking him to the library for a while after so many dinosaur facts being shouted at the dinner table. 

“Do you really think I’m lying?” The sharpness of Yamaguchi’s voice caused Kei to do a double take, and everyone else for that matter. Yamaguchi had that look only when he was concentrating on his serve, except with more confidence. There was something in his eyes that just couldn’t be placed, but the rest of the boys decided to think twice when it came to questioning Yamaguchi’s words.

“Wow Tsukki! I didn’t know you could be so girly!” Nishinoya shook his shoulders, and then promptly did a handstand on them, making Kei wobble a bit. He wasn’t too fond of being used as a balance beam, being called Tsukki or being called girly so Kei entertained the idea of throwing Noya off of him. 

“I think baking is a great skill to have. You could go pro if you actually made these macarons.” Ennoshita commented. He knew Nishinoya had good intentions with his words but the actual impact of them were usually quite brutal. 

“Yeah! This is freaking awesome Tsukishima!” Tanaka clenched his fist in victory as he cracked a wide grin. 

Kei didn’t know what to say frankly. He hadn’t gone over this scenario over his head mostly because he never dreamed that his teammates would ever find out about his secret hobby but they were a lot more supportive than he imagined. Maybe he didn’t have to tuck away all of himself where they couldn’t see. That didn’t mean he was going to be an open book from now on, just that his teammates were a lot more trustworthy than he first anticipated. 

He let himself breath, surprisingly scratch free. With a smile he looked back at all his teammates faces which seemed delighted by the sweets he made. The sweets that he took time and effort on. This feeling of pride was almost the same as when he got hooked onto volleyball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coriander meaning: hidden worth


	6. Chapter 6: Hollies

Everyone who had received a macaron was sworn to secrecy by both Yamaguchi and Kei. For the sake of Kei’s embarrassment and the fact that Yachi couldn’t know, it would ruin the surprise. 

Of course Kei was happy that the team enjoyed his baking to the point of tears but he dreaded this for his future self. He just knew that they would come to him for future birthdays, asking him to bake a cake or something. Not that it wouldn’t be enjoyable but it would be such a bother. 

“Good to see you back Tsukishima!” A hard pat landed in the middle of his back, jolting him forward a bit. He turned to see his captain with a warm, inviting smile on his face. It was times like these where Kei wished Daichi pissed him off more, then he could get annoyed at that smile. But it had the same twinge of kindness woven into it, like Yamaguchi’s. Anything that reminded him of Yamaguchi he couldn’t really hate.

Instead of being situated in the gym like usual all of them were standing outside, next to a bus and the school gates. Since they would be on the bus for roughly three hours and it would be pointless for them to stretch now. 

Kei had brought his red bag with him, which had a single dinosaur keychain hanging from one of the straps. They would be staying only overnight before leaving in the afternoon. Kei had packed only what was needed. A change of clothes, a water bottle, a towel, his kneepads and his phone. His headphones were hanging from his neck, secure for the trip.

“You ready to go Tsukki?” Yamaguchi was still somewhat hesitant that Kei was coming to the mini training camp they were coming to. What if he has another coughing episode? Or worse collapse because of how many sets they would have to do. They still wouldn’t exactly be the strongest team there so penalty laps were bound to happen.

Kei seemed to sense his distress and gave him a sharp glare. “I’ll be fine Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi stifled under the icey tone Kei said that in. Not that it was new, but that he pulled him out of his thoughts via cold splash of water to his face. Only it wasn’t water, it was words.

“Ah, sorry Tsukki.” Yamaguchi put a hand to the back of his head, embarrassed. Grabbing the strap of his green bag, which was matching Kei's as they bought the bags together, he hiked it closer as to not risk it falling. 

“That’s cute. You and Tsukishima have matching bags.” Sugawara commented, noticing the two had brought their matching bags instead of the school issued ones. Kei readjusted his glasses in mild annoyance. Not that stating the obvious annoyed him, it was the fact that the comment drew attention towards him and Yamaguchi. 

“Ah yeah! Me and Tsukki bought them before the school year started.” Yamaguchi pulled his bag from his shoulder to show it off. It even had little pegs at the bottom of the bag so it wouldn’t slouch when put down. His bag had a Karasuno volleyball uniform keychain on one of the straps like Michimiya, this one had a twelve on it. 

Hinata zipped between Kei and Yamaguchi, examining both bags in his rushed figure eight around them. “Eh, Tsukki’s favorite color is red and mine is green..” Yamaguchi said, a bit stifled from the closeness of Hinata and his large, round observant eyes.

“Tsukishima! I didn’t know you were into things as kiddy as dinosaurs!” Kei was considering getting ear plugs to block out whatever that idiotic moron let slip out of his mouth at top volume. Such as that sentence. It troubled him to think that most people think that Dinosaurs are only for little children. Dinosaurs aren’t pure fiction like dragons, they’re real. Understanding evolutions and creatures that had roamed the earth millions of years before humans was fascinating, as well as what kind of ecosystem and social hierarchy was built in the absence of them. Calling a fascination for dinosaurs childish was a far cry from the truth. 

“Seriously Tsukishima? Dinosaurs?” Tanaka had such a sharp grin on his face that it sliced right through Kei’s thoughts. Kei gave him an annoyed glare at how smug Tanaka was.

“We’re learning so much about you all in one day! The fact your favorite color is red, you like dinosaurs and most surprising of all you like to ba-” Tanaka couldn’t finish his sentence as Ennoshita gave him a hard elbow to the gut. Maybe a little too hard as Tanaka doubled over, hissing pained noises through his teeth as he kneeled on the ground, clinging to Ennoshitas shirt.

“You didn’t have to hit me  _ that  _ hard!” Tanaka looked up at said person who had hit him. “I thought you loved me!” He whined.

“I do, but we’re sworn to secrecy, don’t forget!” Ennoshita whispered in Tanaka’s ear as he put his arms around his torso, helping Tanaka up. Tanaka was still clutching to his stomach, which still felt the impact of Ennoshita’s wrath, but he was able to stand at least. 

“I for one think the study of dinosaurs is very cool!” Yamaguchi clenched his fist in passion, looking up at Kei’s face for any sign of approval. 

“When you say it like that you make it sound lame.” Kei sighed, watching as Yamaguchi’s first reaction was only to blink and look away with a blush on his face, but his smile remained. 

“Sorry Tsukki.” 

“Is Dinosaurs something you want to study in the future?” Daichi asked, not wanting his kouhai to feel bad about having an interest in prehistoric creatures. 

“Sort of.” Kei’s answers were always concise and to the point, which is why it was hard to be his friend, conversations were, more often than not, dry and short. Not that Yamaguchi minded, he loved filling the space with words, even if those words weren’t exactly important. Silence wasn’t bad too, just knowing he was there was enough.

“Why would you want to do that when there’s volleyball?” Kei almost fell over when Nishinoya grabbed hold of his shoulders and used him as a balance beam for the second time that day. However, Kei’s meter of physical contact for that day had hit it’s critical mass and he decided enough was enough and dislodged Nishinoya's hands from his shoulders.

Luckily Asahi was standing at a close enough distance to be able to catch Nishinoya before the libero could sustain any damage from a fall from that height. Looking up at Asahi, who had an awkward yet sweet smile on his face after catching the tiny ball of energy, Nishinoya threw his arms around Asahi’s neck and buried his face into his chest, the ace’s face heating up a bit. “You’re my hero Asahi!” Nishinoya was way too dramatic for Kei’s taste.

“Because there’s more to life than volleyball.” Kei answered simply, dusting off his shoulders which had, quite literally, previously been carrying a heavy burden. 

“More….to life….than volleyball?” As expected Kageyama tilted his head in confusion. What made it laughable was that Kageyama was being dead serious, not quite grasping the concept that life could be as fun as it is now without the sport.

“What he means, Kageyama, is the big leagues of volleyball!” Hinata pat Kageyama’s back, trying to help the clueless setter understand Kei’s words when in fact the words had completely flown over his head. Probably because he’s so short, Kei snickered at his own thoughts.

“He means not playing volleyball, actually.” Yamaguchi put Kei’s words into something they could both understand, and with the correct meaning this time. Both their expressions turned into one of disbelief.

“But why not? Volleyball is the most rewarding thing out there!” Hinata jumped up and down for emphasis of his point, it wasn’t really working. 

“Well for you and Kagyeama yes,” Suga butt into the conversation, “But it’s different for everyone. I think what’s really rewarding is seeing people learn and grow into even better people.” Always with that motherly smile of his, Sugawara helped the boys understand a little better.

“Does that mean you want to be a teacher? Because you like seeing people grow?” Hinata tilted his head, mimicking what Kageyama was doing earlier. 

“Exactly! I think it’s important for everyone to pursue their passions.” Sugawara ruffled Hinata’s hair. “And your passion is obviously volleyball Hinata. I’m sure you’ll be a pro when you’re older.” Kei wondered what it was like, to be able to speak words that were able to touch people’s cores the way Sugawara’s did. Though, he only wondered, he had no intention of learning how to speak like Suga or anyone who had a knack for inspiration. 

“Tsukki, maybe you could open a bakery when you’re older that’s dinosaur themed!” Yamaguchi tugged at Kei’s shirt, making him lower down so he could whisper in the shell of his ear. His breath is hot, Kei thought.

Kei’s only response was a shrug. Bakeries weren’t the most financially stable thing in the world and he would much rather be well off than having to deal with constant economic uncertainties. However, the idea of it wasn’t completely off the table, Ennoshita had complimented him on the basis that he could go pro, but then again Ennoshita was just a nice upperclassman.

“If I ever do open a bakery it won’t be dinosaur themed.” At that comment Yamaguchi smiled wider. He would like to have Kei’s baked goods more than once in a lifetime. 

“What about you Yamaguchi? Anything you’re particularly passionate about?” Asahi seemed to notice their quiet chit chat. He couldn’t make out the details but since the subject all around was future carriers based on passions he might as well ask him. Yamaguchi was somewhat of an enigma on the team, not on purpose he didn’t think. He just seemed to never talk about himself in favor of talking about Kei instead. 

Yamaguchi put a finger to his temple as his eyes rolled around in thought. His eyebrows creased in concentration, grasping at any possible answer he could give asahi. “Uh...not really.”

“Then what do you plan to do after high school? If you’re going to college you probably need a major.” Asahi noted, “It’s totally fine if you’re not going to college though! I don’t plan to.” He quickly tacked on at the end. He certainly didn’t want to be offensive in any way. 

If Yamaguchi was being honest, he wasn’t exactly sure himself. He knew he was going to college, he was in a college prep class after all, but he hasn’t decided on a major. What was he anyway? Everyone has their defining passions; Kei had his dinosaurs and baking and the quick attack duo obviously had a thing for volleyball-even Yachi loved designing and drawing, but what did Yamaguchi have? Usually people identify him as Kei’s friend who’s always at his side. He wanted to be more than that, he was his own person after all. Maybe he should spend less time with Kei and figure out who he is on his own.

“Yamaguchi doesn’t need to know just yet. We are only first years after all.” Kei interjected, interrupting Yamaguchi’s internal dialogue. That isn’t to say Yamaguchi wasn’t grateful for Kei, he was glad he was able to give him a much more level headed assessments on statements on these things. It made him smile knowing he didn’t have to figure this or himself out by himself. So what if he is always known for being with Kei all the time? Kei was a good friend who’ll help him figure this out, there’s no reason for him to go through this alone. 

“Yeah, I’m not exactly sure!” He smiled a bit at Asahi, who, for some reason, was still holding Nishinoya. Even if he did let go Nishinoya was clinging onto him like a bug to a tree. “What about you Asahi-san? Since you’re a third year what will you be doing after you graduate high school?” 

“Oh I’m…” Asahi sort of trailed off, a light blush dusting his cheeks as he fidgeted, unable to tug at his jacket as a nervous habit because of the libero in his arms. Said libero was able to finish his sentence however. 

“Asahi is going to be a fashion designer and skip college!” He yelled very proudly. Suga and Daichi’s attentions were caught by that, but only responded with proud smiles on their faces.

“W-why are you guys looking at me like that??” Asahi, placed Nishinoya down so he could curl up on himself with all the anxiety he felt from all the eyes on him. Even if Daichi’s smile was genuine it still scared him.

“We’re just proud you decided to follow your dreams Asahi!” Suga smacked his back quite hard, causing Asahi to let out a small ‘ite’ as a wince. 

"A fashion designer huh? I didn’t know you were into that kind of stuff Asahi!” Yamaguchi smiled, giving Asahi a more gentle affirming hand on the shoulder as a sort of sorry for Suga’s rough one. 

“I think it’s fun making things people can proudly wear and use.” Asahi rubbed the back of his head bashfully. “Let people look the way they want to be perceived.”

“You know for a dream like that shouldn’t you achieve that for yourself first? Make yourself look less scary?” Nishinoya said bluntly, causing Asahi’s proud posture to wilt.

“Noya that’s the kind of thing you keep to yourself.” Tanaka sighed, knowing his best friend will never really grasp what statements are appropriate to say out loud. 

“Enough with the chit chat, is everyone here and accounted for?” Coach Ukai came back from his smoke, he would need to satisfy his craving before the trip since he wouldn’t be able to do anything while on the bus. Although they didn’t seem to bother him as much when he was observing the team during real and practice matches. 

“Everyone is here Coach.” Ever the dependable captain Daichi reported that everyone, was in fact, here. Ukai didn't do anything more than that to tell all of them to get their ‘sorry asses’ into the bus so they could start their long, tedious drive. Kei wasn’t exactly sure what his ass would be sorry for but maybe he’ll find out on the bus drive there.

With heavy legs Kei climbed aboard the bus with Yamaguchi following in suit. They always took the third row of seats on the right side of the bus, Kei taking the window seat while Yamaguchi took the aisle seat. It had become habitual for the team to sit in specific seats, only switching it up on rare occasions. However, it was not one of those occasions as all of them sat in their usual seats. 

It was always somewhat difficult for the likes of Kei to get comfortable on buses or airplanes as his legs would usually be too long for the provided leg space. He stretched his legs out until they were under the seat in front of him and his shins touched the back of the seat, that would have to do for now. If he sat normally with his feet firmly planted on the floor it would make his thighs fall asleep and he wasn’t particularly fond of the feelings of pins and needles when he made an effort to wake them up. Kei was just glad Yachi always sat in front of him because her legs didn’t touch the floor and she was okay if his extended into her leg room territory a bit. 

“Did you add any new songs to your playlist Tsukki?” Yamaguchi always asked whenever he saw Kei plug in his headphones to his phone. He had a very similar taste in music to his and made an effort to know the same songs Kei did. 

“One.” He noted, unlocking his phone to access his playlist. As a graduation gift his brother got him spotify premium, but Kei turned it down in favor of just downloading whatever song he wanted off the internet. It wasn’t illegal, he would argue, after all youtube is a public platform. 

Yamaguchi leaned in close to look at Kei’s phone screen. Kei was used to this, as they would walk home together, have sleepovers, sit next to each other during meals, but Kei had an irrational fear of giving whatever confusing disease he had to Yamaguchi, so he scooted back a bit from him. 

“It’s called  _ Come Along  _ by Cosmo Sheldrake.” Kei had a wide range of tastes when it came to music but his favorite kind were ones that smelt of books and had such loud yet muted colors to them. He gingerly placed his headphones onto Yamaguchi’s head and played the song, turning away to cough a bit in his mask. 

Yamaguchi hummed just above a whisper to the song, his head bobbing up and down involuntarily and tapped his thigh to the rhythm. He couldn’t sit still when he was listening to music, he had to move and enjoy the sounds around him. Luckily his eyes were closed as he did this and Kei observed him behind his golden eyelashes which drooped in front of his irises, as to not be too blatant in his staring, if it was considered staring. It was Yamaguchi's own little way of enjoying music and he thought it was a cute quirk of his.

When Yamaguchi opened his eyes again Kei had already averted his eyes to the window, staring through the glass and to the country side of Miyagi. The hills seemed like such a dull green compared to Yamaguchi’s hair. 

“Wow, I think that song was pretty good.” Yamaguchi wasn’t the best with words, and that’s all he could do to describe it.

“I know. You danced to it.” Kei had noticed over their years of friendship Yamaguchi could never lie to him on his opinions on music. If Yamaguchi didn’t like the song he wouldn’t dance along. He would try to lie about it, of course, and say it was great but Kei would always respond with an annoyed glare at the insincerity and Yamaguchi would never fail to apologize.

“Ah, sorry, habit.” In Kei’s opinion that was one thing Yamaguchi didn’t have to apologize for. 

Kei only shrugged in response and took back his headphone, placing it on his own ears. He noted they were still warm from Yamaguchi’s use of it but tried not to think about it. There was nothing wrong with Yamaguchi using his headphones, he did put it on Yamaguchi himself after all, but his brain was telling him to shove that piece of information as far back as he could and avoid it at all cost. All this overthinking made him cough a bit. 

“Um Tsukki? I’m going to take a small nap before we get there, can you wake me up when we do?” Yamaguchi asked, looking at Kei, hoping he heard him. 

He gave him a little nod before closing his eyes completely and letting himself get swallowed by the music and forget everything. Forget he was on the bus, forget he was with the volleyball club, forget his legs were cramped, forget he had this weird illness that made him cough up flowers.

Forget Yamaguchi. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holly meaning: foresight  
> there won't be a chapter update next week, sorry!


	7. Chapter 7: Gardenias

Yamaguchi was normal, in his own humble opinion.

Everybody had their quirks and had a distinguishable personality on the team; Daichi was dependable and strong, Asahi was powerful and a wimp, Nishinoya was a talkative, wild libero, Hinata was a ball of sunshine and so forth. 

Yamaguchi was so normal. But, in an odd way he liked that about himself. It felt so rewarding when he was able to do something because he was able to do it by his own merit. The first time he did a service ace? He’ll never forget the feeling. He wasn’t the best player, he knew this, but he worked hard just like everybody else. Being proud of yourself was such a rare trait nowadays, to be able to step back from the frey and appreciate the journey he went through and the hurdles he had to clear, but that was something Yamaguchi could do. Yamaguchi liked himself, even if he was one of the most normal people on the team.

“Yamaguchi, wake up.” As much as Kei didn’t want to wake up Yamaguchi and interrupt his peaceful sleep Yamaguchi asked him to wake up once they got there. Plus Yamaguchi had leaned against his shoulder while he was sleeping and Kei didn’t cough once in fear of waking him up in the middle of the trip, so his ribs started to ache.

With a yawn,still heavy with sleep, Yamaguchi squeezed his eyes as he stretched, shaking the drowsiness off his limbs. He rubbed his eyes as he sat up, half of his hair was messed up from his slumber.

“I still don’t get how you do that Tsukishima.” Tanaka noted as he stood in the aisle of the bus. 

“Do what?” Kei didn’t understand why he was asking such a vague question, it was really up to interpretation. How he blocked? He just used his brain, unlike Tanaka. How was he friends with Yamaguchi? Well, probably not the question since that was easy, Yamaguchi was a kind man and could befriend anybody, Kei was proof. 

“Wake Yamaguchi up.” 

“Yeah!” Hinata popped up, his orange hair much too bright in the evening sun, “when me and Kageyama tried waking up he didn’t! We yelled and hit him with a pillow!” Kageyama nodded in recollection.

“What…? I don’t remember that.” Yamaguchi yawned once more, standing up and arching his back, his spine making all sorts of noises.

“That’s ‘cause Hinata and Kageyama brought our sorry asses to try and wake you up.” Tanaka patted Ennoshita’s shoulder, who looked half asleep. But the firm pat woke him up a little more, even if it didn’t look like it. 

“You only woke up when Daichi yelled at you.” Ennoshita laughed, but switched to a yawn halfway though. His eyes fluttered closed for half a second as he leaned on Tanaka’s shoulder, his dark brown hair tickling Tanaka’s jawline. 

While Tanaka was trying to wake the sleepy boy up and off him Yamaguchi shivered. “Yeah, how could I not when Daichi-san is just so scary…”

“I’m not always scary, just when I need to be.” Daichi stuck his head in from the entrance of the bus since he was already outside and helping unload. “Now all of you can talk after you get off the bus.”

“It’s volleyball time!” Hinata jumped off the bus, narrowly missing the top of the doorway as he did so. Kageyama raced after him, refusing to get to the gym before Hinata did.

“Those two are idiots.” The reassuring sound of Yamaguchi’s snicker was behind him as he made that comment, watching the two of them childishly race each other.

“Hey! You should let Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei get to the gym first you hyper-maniacs!” Tanaka yelled after them, but to no avail. Hinata and Kageyama had already thrown open the door and some distinct cat and owl like cheers came from the inside. 

“Excuse me Coach Ukai, but I’m going to the bathroom.” Ukai could already see Kei’s fidgeting and a pained look on his face before Kei realized he was even doing it. 

“Sure,” He shrugged, “and Tsukishima, feel free to sub out when you need to or decide not to rotate in.” He pat Kei’s shoulder, why did he have to be so damn tall? “You should take it easy for now since you only just got back.”

Kei didn’t give him anything more than a nod as he walked to the bathroom. He didn’t want to seem desperate to get to the bathroom, but he was walking a little faster than normal to his destination. He knew it was a bad idea to hold it all in, but he didn’t want to disturb Yamaguchi. Now he wasn’t quite sure if the ends justify the means. 

He could feel it, crawling up his throat. It hurt to forcefully close his throat, but it wouldn’t hold forever.

The bathrooms, where the hell were the bathrooms?

He realized he had only been to the Fukurodani Academy once before for training camp and he was only familiar with the west side of the campus as that’s where the gyms were. In hindsight the active choice of deciding to go into the east building was the best choice so he could avoid the others, more pressingly his senpai’s Kuroo and Bokuto but now that he was lost in the school’s halls he was having his regrets as it felt like thorns sticking themselves into the back of his throat, his ability to breathe becoming painful and limited. 

There, a sign.

A literal sign, with the words ‘toilet’ sprawled across it, the sign being positioned just above a door. 

Abandoning all forms of dignity Kei ran to the door, slamming the door open, but careful enough to make sure it wouldn’t slam into the wall, and practically was already on his knees when he arrived at the toilet.

It didn’t seem as much as that one night during practice, the coughs felt smoother and less lurching. The feeling of a sharp thorn being dragged up, snagging on the back of his throat as it was forced to exit his mouth was the most prominent during this vomit session, Kei was expecting there to be more. 

Familiarity struck Kei as he felt a warmth bloom in his mouth. He spit it out instantly, in the toilet this time instead of his hands. His hands were occupied with holding the rim of the toilet, even if Kei detested the idea of another man's bare ass also touching the same surface. 

It was still bright, and almost obnoxiously blue, Kei was starting to really hate the color. Sitting in the toilet however it floated, determined not to be swallowed up by the water. It looked so purposeful, like a surprise for the next person to use the stall. 

Kei coughed again, more petals falling from his lips, but something different prodded at his tongue this time. Using his fingers carefully he took it off as to not just carelessly spit it out like the others, it was something he hadn’t experienced yet. 

A very small stem, green and black. It was roughly the size of a quarter of Kei’s finger, but there were two or three thorns on it. The most notable thorn had red on it. In fact, this time all the pedals were covered in his favorite color, red. Maybe he should change his favorite color to yellow, even if it was too bright for his taste.

The metallic flavor reached all the way to the back of his throat, and it felt raw. It was like something was pooling, which there was. When Kei coughed again it horrified him much more than the flowers to find blood. The back of his throat, he had guessed, was cut up by the thorny stem. This would make breathing complicated, and he wasn’t exactly sure how to stop it. 

There didn’t seem to be any more blue flora coming out of his mouth, but he didn’t know how to deal with his throat. No doubt if he were to breath heavily it would not do any good for that wound. Damnit, he only just arrived, how could he get benched so fast just like that?

Kei paused, a dread even more potent washing over him.

Is he seriously upset that he wouldn’t be able to play volleyball, ecstatic even. After all, it's just volleyball, an after school sport. And yet, there was a bottomless feeling in his stomach, and a pull from his chest he couldn’t describe.

How disgusting.

Kei wanted to play volleyball, that’s what it was. He wanted to be out on the court and prove his skills, to snuff spikes and feel the sting in his palm after the point was scored. He wanted it.

It terrified him.

He was going to lose it, like Akiteru. He wasn’t going to be able to go on the court and be resorted to being part of Suga’s cheer squad. That was something he definitely didn’t want. He wanted, even though it was such a disgusting and oddly sensual word, the thrill he gets when he blocks, never realizing how badly he craved it.

His own laugh sounded so cruel in the shell of his ears. And the taste of metal had coated his tongue, he should probably wash it out. But he should probably wait for the bleeding to stop first.

His eyes were fixated on the blue petals dancing in the toilet bowl, anything to take his mind off the horrifying revelation about his relationship with volleyball.

The color of the petals were so mocking, so obnoxious. How did these petals come into fruition anyway? It’s not that he was going to believe some speculation on the internet that something as non-scientific as love had to do with this. Besides, there was no one to love. 

Focus Kei, you’re repeating yourself over and over, he thought to himself. You’re going to get nowhere thinking like this. 

Enough was enough, and his throat felt dry enough for him to presume he wasn’t bleeding anymore. Standing up he flushed the contents of the toilet, watching the blue swirl down the drain. 

The most logical thing Kei would do at this instance is clean himself up and inform Coach Ukai that he has in fact, cut up his throat and will be unable to play, benching him for the training camp. 

But this already was highly illogical, just the act of throwing up flowers, it was beyond absurd. And that crazy reasoning was exactly why he decided he was going to keep this a secret. He won’t tell Coach Ukai or Takeda-sensei about this and he was going to just play to the best of his ability.

Volleyball was fun, yes, but he didn’t realize it was  _ this _ addicting. Kei was in deep and he wasn’t having the best of time dealing with withdrawal. 

His plan of attack was to drink some water and then go to his bag to get the cough medicine he stuffed into his bag this morning and play as much as he could before the pain bothered him too much. Mediocre and plain, but it was a plan he could follow through with. 

Kei made sure his teeth weren’t red in the mirror as he washed out his mouth before exiting the bathroom like he wasn’t just crumpled over. The back of his throat still stung and breathing hurt but he’ll get through it. 

****

If breathing was akin to striking a match, gasping was throwing the match in a firepit full of logs. It tore his throat and many times he was extra tense in fear that there was more than just saliva in his mouth. 

Physical pain seemed to affect how he played much more than he had initially anticipated. He was always half a step too slow or doing very sloppy soft blocks. Volleyball wasn’t very fun when he was losing, no less in pain, and yet he still wanted to play. He wasn’t exactly tired, being exhausted is what usually did him in but recently it didn’t seem to bother him as much. It irked him that he seemed to be making strides in volleyball, only to be stopped short by something he couldn’t control. Kei didn’t like that feeling at all.

Kageyama would usually shout at him or give Kei a knowing smirk as he wasn’t exactly lining up with him, Kei falling behind him, but Daichi would always growl at him to knock it off.

“Hey Stretch you’re not doing too hot today, are ya?” There was a feral grin on the other side of the net that Kei couldn’t help but detest. 

“Did you already forget what I taught you? I don’t mind teaching you again.” Every word Kuroo would utter seemed to have such flirtatious undertones in them it threw Kei off. Kei was a boy goddamnit, if this was a bro thing he didn’t get it. Maybe he was interpreting it in the wrong way, it was probably more provocative than anything, getting under his skin seemed to be one of Kuroo’s favorite hobbies.

Kei ignored him as they lost yet another set to Nekoma, Tanaka groaning in the background in annoyance as flying laps was most definitely in their future. The rest of the team, except for Kei, began their laps, Hinata enthusiastic to do so. 

It was then when Kuroo noticed that Kei wasn’t participating in the punishment for letting their opponents get to twenty-five first. “You sick or something?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Something.” Kei glanced back at him, smirking a bit. Pissing off Kuroo was also a hobby Kei indulged in from time to time. 

“Tsukki has been having trouble breathing.” Yamaguchi was a bit out of breath when approaching the two of them, just finished with his flying laps. He wasn’t as comfortable around Kuroo as Kei was since he hasn’t really talked to him much before but he wanted to make a point to say that. He wasn’t particularly fond of the Nekoma captain picking on his best friend. 

“Shut up Yamaguchi.” Kei wasn’t happy he told Kuroo that, just more dirt for him to kick at him. 

“Oh, sorry, maybe you should go rest.” He knew Kuroo once said to him and Hinata ‘I’m always this nice’ but even in this circumstance it still seemed to possess a mocking undertone. 

“This is your friend Tsukki, right? I always see you two together.” Yamaguchi frowned at how chummy Kuroo seemed with Kei, even going so far as to pat Kei’s back. It hardly sat well with Yamaguchi, especially the nickname and touching part.

“Don’t call me that.” After so many blocking and spiking sessions with Bokuto and Kuroo Kei had accepted there was no way out of physical contact. However he drew the line at the nickname, it was too informal for him. He would prefer Stretch over Tsukki. 

“Fine, fine, but you guys are friends right? Or is it...something more?” Kuroo practically purred, his eyes shifting between the two of them. Well, Kei would consider Yamaguchi his best friend but he would be rather caught dead than confessing that fact to Kuroo.

Yamaguchi was oddly quick to react, “no no! Nothing like that at all. Me and Tsukki are just best friends.” Though Yamaguchi was wondering if that was really true since it was only yesterday he learned Kei had apparently been baking for years without him ever knowing. 

“Oh, okay.” Kuroo’s sly smile remained on his face, his eyes seemed to hold something beyond Kei’s understanding. He removed his heavy hand from his back and kept on walking to the court of his new set as the rest of Karasuno finished up their diving laps.

“Maaaan, why are you so close to the Nekoma captain I’m so jealous!” Hinata bounced up like an over-excited tangerine.

“Well you’re close to the Nekoma setter.” Kageyama interjected, somehow perturbed by this fact. 

“Alright Tsukishima you’re sitting this set out.” Ukai cut through their minuscule conversation, yelling across the court. He grimaced at how loudly he said it, as a couple of people looked his way but he nodded silently, trotting to the space beside him.

“How are you holding up Tsukishima-kun?” Takeda’s pleasant voice carried through the air, a soft smile on his face. 

Kei didn’t give him more than a quiet nod, still trying to calm his breaths against his stinging throat.

“Sensei can I take some cough medicine? It’s in my bag.” He asked politely, taking off his glasses momentarily to clean them. 

“Of course! Just hurry back, we don’t want you to be unaccounted for for long.” Takeda’s words always seemed to be laced with a hint of panic, like he didn’t have time to think, or was vaguely unsure of his response, hoping it was the right one. In any case that was his cue to leave to find the medicine in his backpack. He knew it wouldn’t be a magic cure to fix all and get rid of the flowers living in his throat but it would provide temporary relief to his raw throat. 

“Bokuto-san we’re going to get caught. They’re going to wonder where the official setter and ace is.”

Kei heard it, as he was coming close to the corner. He recognized who that voice belonged to, it was Akaashi’s. It was a more hushed tone than usual, probably in avoidance to not get caught. But what exactly were they doing that would warrant Akaashi and Bokuto to do something in private?

“C’mon Akaaaaashi-” He drew out his name like he always did, “is it really so bad I want to be alone with you for five minutes? I don’t get why we’re being so secretive about it. Everyone on the team knows and so does Nekoma!” 

Maybe Kei shouldn’t hear this, but he was already invested. A secret his whole team and Nekoma knows? What is the nature of a secret that keeps these two away from the rest of the team, a secret that they share that Bokuto is fine with letting everyone know yet Akaashi wanted to reserve? Then again Bokuto had no concept of shame while Akaashi, albeit forgets what it is too at times, seems to have a level head.

“It’s because we have to maintain a certain level of professionality about it.” Kei could feel how exasperated that sentence was.

“What! I can be professional about it!” 

Akaashi snorted, “You could not Bokuto-san.” 

Kei couldn’t see them but by the tone in their voices he could tell they both had smiles on their faces. Akaashi’s was probably more subtle and Bokuto probably had a full on grin, like he landed a great spike.

Finally facing the music, Kei craned his neck around the corner to be able to see the two, he didn’t want to interrupt them. 

They were in an unusual stance, to say the least. Akaashi was standing against the wall, looking up at Bokuto, who had his arm resting against the wall space above Akaashi’s head, their faces inches apart. Come to think of it their bodies were close too, Bokuto’s feet almost on top of Akaashi’s. If it was Kei in that position that would definitely be too close for comfort. 

“We need to get back to the practice matches, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi insisted, his tone sounded half asleep as he inched closer.

Bokuto wore a knowing smirk, leaning closer as well. “Okay, but one for the road?” One what, Kei wondered. 

He soon found out as when he blinked Bokuto captured Akaashi’s lips on his own, the latter reciprocating the small movements they did while kissing. It was short lived as they parted, a satisfied smile on both their faces.

“Man your kisses are the best Akaashi!” Bokuto half yelled, which made Akaashi panic and quickly cover his mouth with his hands. 

“Yes, well, Bokuto-san it’s time for us to get back to the practice matches.” He pat Bokuto’s firm bicep as he pushed himself off the wall and started to trec back to practice. Kei had to hide before they saw him and went into an unoccupied classroom.

Once they passed him he left the classroom, trying his best to make sure the sliding door didn't squeak. His eyes refused to go back to their normal size as they were blown from seeing them kiss. What the absolute fuck did he just witness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gardenia meaning: secret love  
> I'm back to my regular update schedule!


	8. Chapter 8: Spearmints

Kei couldn’t get it out of his head. 

Was that even allowed? For two boys to...do things like that? As inappropriate as it was, it was annoyingly persistent, like Hinata’s begs to have extra practice time. 

He felt guilty, to say the least, when it comes to what he saw. Normally he would’ve just brushed it off, like all the things he wasn’t supposed to see. He didn’t go seeking for more answers or confirmation but these were the types of things that stuck with him. Of all things romantic gestures shouldn’t pique his interests, but this time it was between two boys, two of his upperclassmen, those things don’t happen.

It’s a logical concept, sure. Instead of a boy and girl there are two boys. Does that mean there can be two girls? Do other people know it’s okay to do those things? Does anyone he knows also engage in things such as these?

“Watch your head!” Ukai called out just in time for Kei to swerve his head and be able to use his arm to block an incoming volleyball. It stung his forearm, but at least it wasn’t his face.

Coach Ukai told him not to play anymore for the day, much to Kei’s disappointment (and it deeply disturbed Kei that he was disappointed in the first place), so it placed him in a seat next to Takeda, who was having trouble with keeping up with the plays at time. 

Kei knows now would be a wonderful time to observe the court, as he was usually on the court for about half of the time, but there was only one thing replaying in his mind. If it wasn’t already exhausting enough for his mind to try and figure out the conundrum of the flower’s coming out of his mouth, he also had the mental food of boys kissing. He was choking on both food for thought. 

“Tsukishima-kun? Are you alright?” Kei blinked, looking at Takeda who was waving a hand in front of his face. He had a mild look of concern on his face before placing the back of his hand to Kei’s forehead.

“You don’t seem to have a fever.” It was odd to see Kei so spaced out, especially during volleyball practice. Usually he would have a sharp gaze on the court, calculations and possible spike patterns being absorbed to be able to use later and create a plan of attack. But now Kei seemed to have a sheet over his eyes, like the space right in front of him was the most interesting thing in the world. It was worrisome, to say the least.

About half a second later he flinched away and stood up, noticing the gym was emptying at this point and the boys were yelling about their starvation. “Sorry,” Kei started, cleaning his glasses absentmindedly, “I was just thinking about other things.” It was fairly easy to tell he wasn’t thinking about volleyball.

“Well, it’s lunch time. Do you think you could play tomorrow? Or do you want to skip out on it?” Takeda asked as he walked with Kei to the dining hall, having to careen his neck a fair amount just to look up at Kei. 

“I’ll think about it.” He would like to, but thinking about it logically it wouldn’t be a smart move. Normally his scratched up throat wouldn’t be a problem, he was playing with it after all, but it hindered his playing ability enough for Ukai to notice. And now with his head filled with thoughts about what boy’s can and can’t do in the subject of romance of all things, it made it feel like there was cotton where his brain should be. It still didn’t sit well with him though, just sitting on the sidelines doing nothing. He’d start fidgeting with his fingers or bouncing his leg, there was so much going on and Kei wanted to be there, even if it was just in the moonlight and not in the spotlight. 

Takeda nodded thoughtfully, wanting to keep Kei’s health in mind. He did seem fairly different today and he wanted to make sure his well being came before volleyball practice.

“Tsukki! There you are! Are you okay?” Yamaguchi looked up from his food, which looked hardly touched. 

“Yes, I’m fine Yamaguchi.” He smiled a bit to prove it, waving his hand dismissively. Kei was less hungry than normal, the thought of food touching the scrape at the back of his throat was enough to make him cringe. 

“It’s tough to win games without you Tsukishima.” Ennoshita added, looking up from his food. Which Tanaka used as an opportunity to steal one of his tempura vegetables right off his tray. 

“Hey-Ryuu! Stop stealing my food! Just ask.” He bonked Tanaka very lightly on the head, but a soft smile on his face remained. Tanaka just chuckled, shoving the food into his mouth as quickly as possible.

“Sorry Chika, I’ll do that next time.”

Ryuu.

Chika.

Both their first names and shortened versions of their names, not their surnames, their given ones. It’s impolite to be on that basis unless you’re close. With what he just learned from Bokuto and Akaashi Kei wondered if-

“Are you going to eat Tsukki? You look pale.” His staring and thought process was interrupted by Yamaguchi, who had sat down in front of him. Kei had gotten a bowl of rice and what the fukurodani girls allowed him to have as a minimum, skipping lunch was not a viable option. 

“Uh, yeah, I’m just not that hungry.” He wasn’t one to complain about the pain he felt, so he slowly ate his rice and sauteed vegetables. He avoided anything sharp, like tempura or crackers. 

“Does your throat still hurt?” Yamaguchi always held sympathy in his eyes, even when he was angry. He was too nice to Kei, it made him choke on his food a bit.

“A bit.” Was all he would like to say to him, whether or not he was okay shouldn’t really matter.

“Well I hope you take it easy!” He said cheerily. It wasn’t technically telling him what to do but it still made Kei give him a suspicious look.

Kei continued to eat, slowly, unlike Hinata and Kageyama eating as much as their stomachs and time would allow. Every now and again he would observe Ennoshita and Tanaka. He wanted to know if their relationship was of the same nature of Bokuto and Akaashi’s. 

They seemed to act fairly normal, not much change from how they usually act. Teasing from both sides, Tanaka doing something brash, Ennoshita reprimanding him for it, Tanaka laughing at Ennoshita’s embarrassment, it looked like a normal relationship. 

“Why do you keep on looking at them?” Kei’s eyes snapped back to the boy in front of him, an inquisitive look on his face.

“I never realized Ennoshita and Tanaka were so close.” Unconsciously, he kept his voice down in fear that they might hear him. 

“Oh, yeah, they are pretty close.” His voice sounded a bit on edge, like a mouth full of words but the ones that left his lips were empty. It didn’t sit right with him, and he knew Yamaguchi wasn’t the best at holding things in or lying and it was obvious that there could be more to be said.

Kei opted for the simpler option for him to comprehend that Tanaka and Ennoshita were just best friends. Tanaka could write an entire essay about how wonderful Kiyoko was, so by process of elimination Tanaka liked girls. There was no way him and Ennoshita were doing any sort of romantic shenanigans. 

“Tsukishima is that really all you’re going to eat?” Nishinoya was walking past their table, holding his empty tray. Knowing that libero, he previously had a mountain of rice in that bowl. 

“Yes.” 

“That won’t do if you’re coming back to the court!” Nishinoya ran to the Fukurodani captains to ask for another round of food, this time for Kei. Although, Kei unintentionally flinched at Noya’s words. Not because of how loud and brazen he was, Kei was used to that from half of the team, but because of his word choice. ‘Coming back to the court.’ 

“You’re not coming back to practice after lunch, are you?” Yamaguchi’s voice was also soft. Almost everything about Yamaguchi was soft, Kei could attest to that. 

Kei looked up to match his eyes with him, and in Yamaguchi’s earthy eyes he could see he understood how he felt. 

What an idiot.

Why did Kei think his circumstance was unique? In some ways yes, it was. But in a lot of ways it wasn’t. He wasn’t the only one who wanted to be on the court. Sugawara. Kinnoshita. Narita. Ennoshita. Yamaguchi. They all wanted to play, and Kei should recognize that. 

They probably felt worse than him. Unlike him there was nothing wrong with them, no flowers to clog their throat and no cotton to fill their head. It probably hurt to know the reason for them not being on the court is because they didn’t maximize their chances of winning. 

In other words they weren’t good enough to be a part of the starting lineup. 

Not to mention they also had to do the penalties as well, regardless if they played in the match or not. Kei felt a lead feeling settle at the bottom of his gut, weighing him down, making him slouch a bit in his seat. He wanted to say sorry, for feeling this way when he clearly didn’t have the right to feel this way about being benched. Especially to Yamaguchi. He understood his speech about pride a little more clearly now. 

“No, sorry.” Kei managed to answer after his minute long pity party. “But please hold down the court while I’m gone, I know you can.”

Kei really, really liked Yamaguchi’s smile.

****

It was a little after it became dark outside and the practice matches had long ended when Kei decided it was an opportune moment to ask. 

If he could recall correctly this was also about the same time he and Yamaguchi had that dispute about pride. It was at a different school but having an outside concrete path in a strip of moonlight and the lingering feeling of summer heat, it was hard not to get nostalgic. Pride still swelled in his chest when he thought about that day, how Yamaguchi finally spoke his mind, he was so damn cool.

Or maybe it was just a cough, as he promptly coughed into his elbow. 

“Augh! Damnit Kuroo let me get a hit in once!”

“You have been! You get past my blocks three fourths of the time!” 

Turning his head to the left he read ‘3rd gymnasium’ above the door, familiar yet obnoxious people inside. 

Kuroo had a cat-like smirk plastered on his face as he looked down at a frustrated Bokuto.

Bokuto. The guy who kissed Akaashi.

The guy who kissed another guy.

“Why are you standing there Tsukki-” Kei gave him a glare, “-iiiiiishima?” Kuroo ended with a nervous smile.

“Uh..” He clasped his hands together as he walked into the gym, making his fingers intertwine and untangle every now and again. “Can I ask you guys a question?"

The three of them momentarily stopped their practice, question marks practically dawned on their faces. Kei wasn’t exactly sure how to approach this, but he might as well try.

“You guys are males right? Or something like that…” Apparently that was the wrong course of action because annoyance quickly took over Kuroo and Bokuto’s features. Akaashi remained neutral as alway, however.

“And you’re masculine too, at least one would think that..”

“What, are you trying to pick a fight with me or something Tsukki? Because I’m ten times way more manlier than you!” Bokuto growled, throwing an accusing finger at the blonde. Akaashi just let out a small sigh, used to Bokuto’s childish behavior by now, and gently took Bokuto’s arm to bring it back to his side. “Let him finish Bokuto-san.”

“I saw you and Akaashi kissing in the hallway earlier today. I was wondering why that was. Are two boys allowed to act in such a way? How did you know if it’s okay or a thing in the first place?” It was hard to force himself to look at the three upperclassmen in front of him when asking such foolish questions. Kei was probably the most least likely candidate here at the camp to ask these types of questions. 

“Whaaaaaat? You actually saw us? We were so sneaky too!” Bokuto pressed his palms into his eyes, running around a bit like a chicken without a head. Kei only stood there as he watched as Bokuto ran a little too wide in his small, blind circle and ran into the net, a small ‘gah’ leaving his lungs.

“Bokuto-san, we kissed in broad daylight out in the open. It wasn’t inconspicuous at all.” Akaashi always seemed to have his head screwed on straight but in reality he was grimacing over the fact that they were so damn obvious.

“What does in-...inconspicuous mean again..?” He looked like a lost child, his styled hair drooping a bit. 

Kei wasn’t sure if he’d actually get an answer to the question he asked. 

Bokuto shook his head, miraculously making his hair stand tall again. “Tsukkipoo I got a question for you!” He flashed a ridiculous grin, “Have you ever been attracted to a girl in a romantic way before?”

Kei took a moment to mull it over. His brother would look at girls on TV and call them hot, and Kei didn’t get it. Or when Nishinoya and Tanaka would drool over Kiyoko he didn’t see the appeal. Sure, she was beautiful in a ‘mature way’, as they would like to call it, but nothing really stirred the pot so to speak,

“Uh no, not really.” A small shrug went along with his answer.

“Maybe that’s beacause you’re gay?”

The blonde choked down a startled noise at Bokuto's suggestion. 

“I’m older than you! Plus I’m in a very successful relationship and proudly bisexual!” He continued, throwing up a peace sign in both confirmation that he was bi and for victory. “I have a way better life than you!”

“You don’t have to tell me that…” Kei muttered, he knew all of this stuff. Minus the bisexual thing, he didn’nt know what that was.

“But it was only recently was I able to get in this successful relationship with Akaashi and come to terms with my bisexuality.” That came as a surprise to Kei. By the way he was talking he seemed to have had this confidence and for a long time too.

“See, unlike you I know I like girls and I always will!” Bokuto started off, which already confused Kei. He was dating Akaashi right? But he liked girls as well? Actually, that shouldn’t be so surprising or inconceivable. The prefix of bisexuality is ‘bi’, two. And the rest of the word is sexuality, which he has learned basically indicates this is who you’re into. At least, that’s what Kei deduced. 

“I always chased after girls! But they always rejected me…I was so frustrated! It seemed like I was going to be single forever...” He whined, leaning against Kuroo, inviting him to a pity party with him. However, the party was very short lived (as it always was with Bokuto) as he continued his story. “And that’s when it hit me! I can totally like boys too! I mean, some are as pretty as girls! Especially Akaashi, he’s the prettiest!” He nodded, as if it was an indisputable fact.

Kei couldn’t argue, there was some sort of ethereal beauty to him, it was hard  _ not  _ to think he was attractive. In a non-romantic way in Kei’s instance. He was just pretty, that was it.

“But once I figured out liking boys was an option I was able to notice things I never had anymore. Like Akaashi’s smile makes me a little  _ too  _ happy for this to be just friendship. He was on my mind all the time!” Bokuto’s eyes narrowed, looking straight into Kei’s soul. It was more than unnerving, like Bokuto was pulling something out of Kei that he had never considered but still buried deep down.

“But that’s when I actually decided to do something about those feelings. I decided I’d ask Akaashi out and man did I have the time of my life! And I still do.” He had a knowing smirk on his face. “But what really did me in was kissing him. It felt way better than kissing any girl! N-not that kissing girls isn’t nice! But kisses from Akaashi are better. But being with Akaashi? Holding him? Kissing him? Knowing he’s there and loves me back? It doesn’t really matter what happens in the future, it's all about what’s happening right now with Akaashi! That’s what got me hooked on him.” 

This was a lot for Kei to process.

The owl boy crossed his arms, looking pensive about all his words. Surprisingly they were coherent but Kei wasn’t quite sure if he really  _ understood _ . “Of course, that’s just my experience with my bisexuality. It doesn’t mean it applies to everyone.” He shrugged, finally content with his answer.

Kei looked down, a hole of thoughts seemingly swallowing him whole and consuming him. He was still shaky and unsure about how he feels about the concept of boys liking other boys but it was in the realm of possibility. What worried him the most is that there were now a lot of contenders as to who’s the culprit to the itch in his throat. That was if he was actually gay like Bokuto suggested, but I didn’t sit right with him.

“Now!” Bokuto was suddenly to his left, Kuroo to his right, “since we answered your question we’re entitled to ask you a few of our own!”

“Hey-wait-”

Kuroo’s large hands were already on his back and Bokuto was tall enough to sling his thick arms around his shoulders, making him walk to a corner of the court. “C’moooon! We want to learn more about our dear kouhai!”

Kei was somewhat frightful of what was going to happen considering it was Bokuto and Kuroo and they had no semblance of shame but he did owe it to them.

“Ok-”

He didn’t get to finish his ‘okay’ as he was shoved to a sitting position on the floor where their bags and jackets were piled up. Kuroo and Bokuto took their positions to form a sitting circle. Bokuto was sitting cross legged with his bag squeezed in between his arms and Kuroo was laying on his stomach against the polished wooden floors, his legs kicking in the air as he used his jacket as a pillow. Shortly Akaashi also joined them to sit with his knees pulled to his chest, next to Bokuto.

“So who are you crushing on Tsukishima? Is it someone at this camp?”

He stilled a bit, as if this was both a question he was dreading or a question he hadn’t expected them to ask. Either way, it still made his muscles tense for a fraction of a second.

“Have you considered the possibility that you might not like anyone at all?” Akaashi added on to his boyfriend's comment, rocking his body slightly. 

More food for thought. Too much to chew on. At least to Kei. There were numbers missing in this equation, cogs missing in the inner mechanism of a clock, just not enough clues as to what the correct response is to this question. There was always a right answer, Kei was sure of it. Life presented itself as a test to Kei, it was the black and white world of wrong and right, yes and no. Even if it’s an open ended question, at the end of the day the answers are always under the categories of yes and no. 

“I can definitely see that, Tsukki-” a glare, “-Tsukishima always seemed always to himself, he barely has any friends as it is! But if he didn’t why would he ask about you and Bo kissing?” Kuroo’s eyes roamed around, as if the sky could provide the answers he was looking for. 

Bokuto boisterously replied, leaning on his forearms, “Maybe he was just dumb!”

“I’m sure there was a nicer way to phrase that…”

Their side chatter wasn’t making it any easier for Tsukishima to digest those questions asked previously. It was hard enough to process the information that boys could like boys in a romantic sense, it was just a new and foriegn concept, but let alone liking someone at the camp? He wasn’t even sure if the feeling of love was the same as the definition he assigned it in his head, scraped together not by personal experience, but the media he has consumed over a lifetime. 

“I was just unaware of the...possibilities,” the word possibilities didn’t seem to fit the message he was trying to convey but it was too late to change it now, “of romantic partners.”

“Still.” Kuroo hummed, a knowing smile on his face, “It’s really not that far of a stretch that boys can like other boys and girls can like other girls, I mean why does that thing alone limit us? It’s all just preferences.”   


“What is your preference, Kuroo-san?” Kei raised an eyebrow

“Aye, this little pow-wow is about you first year, not me.” He winked along with his response.

Kei put the bottom of his feet together and used his hands to hold them in place as he sat, his legs forming the shape of a diamond. Not that talking was his strong suit, but being able to talk to someone that he doesn’t have to face every single day felt nice. Sort of like a secret that’s truly safe.

“So? Have you thought it out, Tsuuuuukishima?” Ever the impatient one. 

“No, I don’t think that I will be able to figure out if I like boys or not by tonight, but I know I definitely do not like anyone at camp.”

Bokuto deflated, sagging into the bag he was holding. The answer didn’t seem to fit the description of what he wanted. However, the other two seem to have smiles on their faces, as if understanding. Two out of three isn’t bad. 

“Well now that that is over, how about you help us with practice?” Kuroo runs his hand through his bangs to push it away from his face, only for it to fall back into place.

The mention of volleyball perks Bokuto up, his eyes sharpening. “Yeah Tsukki! Your blocks can always use work! Especially since you’re a first year!”   


“I thought asking about my crush was enough of a favor in exchange for telling me about the type of relationship you and Akaashi are in.” There was maybe just a hint of poutiness in his otherwise irritated tone. Or maybe the three were just imagining it.   
  
“Nah! We’re going to milk you for all you’re worth!”

“Kuroo! Why would we milk him! He’s not a Cow!” 

“He was joking, Bokuto-san.”

By the time that Kuroo and Bokuto were maybe halfway through putting Kei through the wringer, one of the managers informed them that they would have to get dinner from the cafeteria because it was going to close up soon. Dinner ending saved Kei from shedding more sweat. Maybe there is a god after all. 

Walking to the canteen with a slight drag of his feet, Kei caught sight of Yamaguchi, exiting the bathroom with his tub of washing supplies in hand.

“You practiced late Tsukki! Are you going to eat dinner now?” The beads of water slid down Yamaguchi's slicked hair, falling and dispersing into the towel around his neck.

“Yeah.”

“It’s pretty good! Have a fun time eating okay? Sorry I didn’t wait up.” He didn’t look very apologetic but he did give Kei a pat once or twice on his shoulder. 

It was warm, his hand, it was warm. It sank into his skin and flowed through his veins. Yamaguchi’s hands are always warm. At least to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spearmint meaning: Warmth of sentiment  
> HELLO it's been a year since I've written a proper chapter but I finally am back to my typical bullshit. This is mostly a reupload of the chapter I deleted but I altered the ending because the other one was not jibing with me well, felt too rushed (thank you med) so I'm going to actual plot this fic out so I can write it in its entirety!


	9. Chapter 9: Bee Orchid

After the cloak of night had ended and Kei had gotten a good rest was he able to play volleyball again. Not that he was particularly dead set on playing, the team would just do considerably worse without him.

At least that’s what he keeps telling himself. 

It’s much easier to be detached from volleyball than risk the opposite, getting attached, and losing it. Like his brother. It wasn’t something he was privy to experiencing once more. He could still feel the sting at the back of his throat.

“You and the other team’s captains were practicing awfully late yesterday.” Yamaguchi commented as Kei returned to the sidelines after his turn to serve. Yesterday. Yesterday where he was exposed to a vast realm of possibility. Not that it mattered, as Kei had never interest in anyone, it was neat nonetheless. Although, the thought of him being in love with a boy kept prodding at the back of his brain had persisted through the night. It could explain these mysterious flowers clogging his throat.

They seem to be giving Kei slack today however, and the only incident from today was a single petal during breakfast. It was much easier to play volleyball today, and Kei was thankful for that. 

“I had some questions to ask them.” Kei replied simply, using the hem of his t-shirt to wipe off the accumulating sweat on his brow. Sweating was a bit disgusting and Kei could do without it, but Coach Ukai doesn’t think anyone who isn’t sweating is trying hard enough. It was also unavoidable considering the heat of the daytime, and a gym packed full of warm bodies.

“Questions like what? Blocking?”

“Does it really matter?”

Yamaguchi let out an airy giggle, “no, I guess it doesn’t.”

Before Kei could think of an appropriate response to keep the conversation going the rotation had moved again, swapping him out with Nishinoya. 

“Go get em Tsukki!” Yamaguchi yelled behind him, curling his fingers around his mouth to project the sound more. Even if Kei had a cold exterior he was always secretly glad for Yamaguchi’s presence. It made his throat itch this time.

*****

Kei bought this before the camp, but it was only now did he remember that he had it. As difficult as it was to pry himself from Kuroo and Bokuto’s grasp he was able to seclude himself in the classroom the Team had been sleeping in. Everyone’s bags were in this room so he could hide the book at any time if needed to, but he figured everyone was too busy playing volleyball or socializing to come here. Even so, only the talkative ones would ask him what he’s doing.

Unfortunately that consisted of maybe half of his team. 

It was just a paperback notebook you could find at any stationary store. It was blue, with the label of “Instances”, written small in black marker on the cover. The spine was barely broken into, so Kei had to use his hands to keep the notebook from closing. He decided that if he’s going to figure out the disease that he has been inflicted with by himself, because he would rather not go into meticulous detail about coughing up flowers with any other individual, he would write all the times it had happened to him down. 

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when all of the instances occurred, it had been roughly two weeks since these symptoms have appeared, but it was better guessing than not writing it down at all. What was considered an incident anyway? Every time his throat itched and he felt the sensation of the flowers creeping, or the actual instances that they had left his mouth?

In the end Kei had decided to write every time flowers had left his mouth, as the instances of which his throat had felt tight and scratchy would be too many instances to document. They have been appearing more frequently as well. Kei hopes that this illness of his won’t get any worse. 

_ August 27th, first incident. At home around dinner time, coughed up 1 petal.  _

Was that too concise of an entry? Should he add more? No, this was certainly enough to document. 

_ August 28th, second incident. Late afternoon in the clubroom, a full bloomed violet.  _

Those incidents were closer than Kei initially thought. It was hard to remember whether or not he had coughed more in between now and then.

_ A probable another incident between August 28th and September 1st. _

_ September 1st, third incident. Morning at Nekoma high, I had just arrived for the training camp. A couple petals and another fully bloomed violet, accompanied by a thorny stem. _

“Are you writing in your diary or something??” The suddenness of the voice broke Kei’s process of recollection, earning the owner of that voice a glance of annoyance. Seeing that it was Hinata, he would’ve done it regardless of what he was doing.

“No, I do not have a diary.”

“Is it a volleyball journal? Kageyama has a volleyball journal you know, he's always writing in it. I wonder what he writes in it! Volleyball plays? Teammates performances? Really cool players he looks up to? The mystery is killing me!” Like a rocket Hinata launched a variety of questions and thoughts at once. Completely unwarranted, Kei might add. 

“That’s nice,” Kei hummed, his heart obviously not in his words, “now can you go away? I’m in the middle of something.”

“But right now we’re supposed to be playing volleyball! Don’t you want to make the best use of you being here?”

“Not all of us have monstrous stamina like you, so I am taking a break.” It was getting more and more difficult not to be visibly irritated. Not that he wasn’t already.

“Hm, well hurry soon or else I’m going to beat you!” Hinata skipped away, excited to jump back into the world of volleyball. Kei would like to get back as well-maybe like is not the correct word, more it would be wise of him to get back as quickly as possible to practice so as to not get left behind, but these matters are of importance too. 

Looking back into his notebook, he stares at the freshly written entries. He could tell he had written them all in succession as the handwriting looks undisturbed. Kei would like the number of entries limited to three, but it doesn’t look like his illness will suddenly disappear any time soon. 

“There you are Tsukki-sorry am I interrupting something?” Yamaguchi had appeared at the door frame, a towel resting on his shoulder. It looks like Kei is studying, what a dedicated student.

“No, you didn’t.” Kei put the notebook away neatly amongst the other possessions in his bag. Quickly zipping the opening shut, he takes his time bringing himself to his feet. “I was just about finished.”   
  


“Cool, would you like to help me and Kinoshita-san practice our serves?” 

“How can I help?”

“Easily!” He wore the same kind smile on his face. It never seemed to get old or insincere, no matter how many times he flashed it. “Just try receiving the ball!”

Kei snorted at the notion. “You know I can’t, even if it was a crappy jump float.”

“Then maybe your receives need more work.” Yamaguchi had got him there. There was an undertone of smugness to his words, as if Kei responded the way he had expected him to. It’s rare to see Yamaguchi play a game like this, but when he does it makes Kei smile.

“Fair point, Just give me a second to grab my towel.” And some water. His throat is irritating him again. 

“Kay! See you at the 1st gym Tsukki! And don’t be late! Today’s our last day of training camp!” Once he had left Kei let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He’s hoping to not have any other incidents this week, especially since him and Yamaguchi are going to be spending so much time together to bake Yachi’s birthday present. Yamaguchi was highly tuned into Kei’s habits and personal quirks, simply because they’ve been friends for so long. He could probably tell something is off if Kei is running off every 15 minutes to vomit flowers every 15 minutes. 

Either way, that’s tomorrow, right now he had to catch up with Yamaguchi, who was already far ahead of him.

In terms of getting to the gym. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bee Orchid meaning: diligence   
> This chapter is far shorter than the others and it took a while to straighten out the timeline but I assure you the next one will be longer as I will be writing an outline for once for this story.


End file.
